Thursday, February 26, 2009

update

Yup, still here. Some moments I think oh this baby is so coming soon... while I am also settling into the fact that it may be a while. My impatience (please don't pray for me to have patience people) is 2-fold here. 1- I am so eager and ready to look into my baby's eyes, hold him, kiss him, and feel what it is like to have my heart reside on the outside of my body, and 2--- Although many have reassured and encouraged me that c-sections are so not bad anymore... I would still really love to give birth naturally, if possible.

My doctor has told me that I am petite and my baby looks like he is probably a good size already, therefore we won't know until I try, but she wants me to mentally visit the option of having to have an emergency c-section (please forgive my run-on sentence). The sooner he comes naturally the more favorable it is for me to deliver naturally. I was at least thankful that we began to dialogue about the option of a c-section. Again, bottom line is I want what is best for my baby. She did not recommend an induction because she thought the outcome would be more favorable if nature would just take it's course. Side note-- I have a new doctor and she is on the ball. Good doctors are wonderful. All this random info to say....who knows.

In the meantime I have really enjoyed this week. It has been relaxing and many days I have found myself getting around to a shower close to 2 PM. I am trying to savor it, knowing that life has never seemed this chill, and probably won't again. Ryan on the other hand (bless him) is going a million miles an hour as the demands of work and school require a lot. I have tried not to "eat the bread of idleness" and gotten busy on thank yous and a 1 year anniversary scrapbook. I finished our photo album/scrapbook today and it truly was a blessing to have some time to process the past year. I have to say that after looking back on the past year through pictures and little memories I am way more confident about the fact that two completely imperfect people are about to receive one of the greatest joys life offers... a child. My joy is sometimes a little shaky when I realize just how much my heart is on the line here... how much I beg God for a child that is healthy and will come to know and love the Savior that has changed his parent's lives. How precious he is already to me while not knowing how much that little face will change my life. I'm ready, nervous, ready, and excited. Please forgive my millionth post on this baby.. it's hard for me to think of much else these days and I am using this blog for a future pregnancy type book. Happy Friday!

Alright peeps... the poll is still pulling for the first... we shall see!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

our weekend

Greetings.. Just in case you sit at home and wonder all day... I'm still pregnant! Shocking right? This weekend was so fun and relaxing. Ryan and I decided on Friday afternoon that we better take advantage of date nights while we can. We went downtown and walked along the river and then got some dinner at a restaurant nearby. We both enjoyed our yummy food and the bill even more (we had a coupon)! Afterwards we headed to the town center for more walking. Ryan is a trooper. I had a tighter shirt on Friday... a shirt that fit great in the beginning but now it showcases my round belly nicely! I've always said I think pregnant women shouldn't hide their bellies, therefore I guess I justified this shirt. Let me just say I got some "wow, your really pregnant looks." A salesman was folding some clothes and I had my back to him. I turned around and he saw my belly and let out an "oh my you're pregnant." Thank you Captain Obvious! We made it our goal to try out every massage chair in the mall. Macy's and Brookstone know how to treat a pregnant girl with their test chairs... ahh! It was nice!

Saturday was relaxing for me. Ry worked and we had plans to go grab some dinner with some friends who were visiting from out of town (well they are working out of town for 6 months)... so we thought! They told us they wanted to pick us up so they could see the baby room with the crib in it. I didn't think one thing of it and was excited to show them. We headed over to the other couples house we were meeting and walked right in (they told the other couple to do this.. we don't normally barge in). As we kept walking we were stopped by sweet faces yelling "surprise!!!!" Our entire small group was there for a surprise baby shower. I was completely shocked. They SOO got us. The first thing I said was.. is this for us?! We felt so blessed by their fun fun fun shower for us. God has truly blessed us immeasurably more than we could have imagined with this small group. Each of the 9-10 couples add so much and truly make our group feel like a little family. Thank you Lord!

Today was spent worshipping and relaxing. Who doesn't love a Sunday like this? With the work week starting (for Ryan) I'm left thinking this is the first time IN MY LIFE I have not dreaded Mondays. This is the most foreign feeling. I am soaking it in knowing it is truly a gift for such a time as this.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

the waiting game




Well my hospital bag is packed, there is a cute little car seat installed in our car, 10 freezer meals in my freezer for post baby, my house is clean, floors scrubbed, laundry done, pediatrician found, pacifier sanitized and baby clothes washed in the sweet smell of Dreft.... and.. I have zero el contraciones tonight (contractions). Since my baby is officially full term and I'm ready I say can we please get this over with while my house is still clean and on a day I've showered and straightened my hair?! Ha.. if only it were that easy. As much as I am kicking myself for not trying to enjoy my last days pregnant with my little man, I think he and I could feel much better not scrunched up and maxed out in room. I'm sure I will have days that I long to go back and feel those sweet and innocent kicks! After all there is no crying, milking, or diapering needed right now. Waiting....... not one of my strong points, which is probably why I'll roll right past the blessed due date. Oh Father, tonight would be great... your timing is best....

So with all the "when is he going to come" fun I'm left wondering how on earth to celebrate our one year anniversary 38 weeks pregnant. Simply said... I got nothing. I can promise you I won't be trying on my wedding dress this year for fear that either my water will break on it or I will send myself straight into big girl trauma. I think Ryan may have something in mind, but I'm not sure about that one! Maybe a high five (we made it) and an IOU would be our best move! Any ideas? Don't worry.. I don't think he usually frequents my posts! In all honesty, at this point I would be totally fine with meeting my other little man on March 1, 2009. What a special date to mark 2 of the most special men in my life coming full circle. After all, my first date with his dad was July 4, 2007 and we found out we were pregnant with the mister on July 4, 2008! My only question.... do I get a honeymoon to somewhere tropical when it is all over? Doubtful, but I'm thinking the epidural will be a close replacement! Have I mentioned that I have never gotten an iv, spent the night in a hospital, and don't do well with pain. HELP!!! (see my abover reasoning).

Sidenote--- please keep a sweet little 6 year old girl named, Nya, and her family in your prayers. This is my brother-in-law, James', niece. Her parents are missionaries in Malawi, Africa and she has become very sick with possibly a form of malaria. It is very serious and they are in need of many prayers. Thanks!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Matter of Fact

Well, I went to the doctor today. I'm 75% effaced and 1 cm dilated. She said he was engaged in my pelvis and definitely head down. My doctor woman is not my fav. She tells me the facts within 30 seconds and runs out. I totally get the "could care less" vibes. I'm sorry but that is gonna work if you are delivering my child and have no time to answer my questions. It brings out the crazy pregnant lady in me. No worries.. I switched docs at 36 plus weeks. I'm all about great ideas eh?! The nurses assured me they get this a lot with this doctor and were happy to switch me to a nicer one! Thank you Lord!

I had to laugh today when matter-of-fact doctor told me they would let me go 2 weeks past my due date AND that many woman walk around 5 cm dilated for weeks. I wanted to tell her a piece of my mind about how where I come from doctors INDUCE on your due date.. or some a little before and further more if I am 5 cm dilated I will not be walking around non-chalantly but rather asking for the drugs. I refrained on it all and even remained nice. In my MIND I was totally putting her in her place... not that I'm proud of that, but it is what it is. My biggest fear is that baby boy is not going to fit and either I will have a really hard labor that ends in a c-section or a really hard labor and unhealthy baby. I am praying that God gives my new doctor wisdom and I will be able to feel like I can trust her. Also, I'm praying that my water will break and I'll go before he gets too big... or anytime now!

With all that freaked out mom-to-be talk I have to sit back and look at how many things in my life are in my own control. Yea, pretty much nothing. My life is in God's hands from something as big as giving birth to this child to something as small as daily decisions. I am having to choose to rest in him in multiple ways today. Basically, I can control my choice to "be still and know he is God" and clearly I'm not in control of the other things (and neither is my doctor)!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Jokes...

**update**
This will not make sense unless you read below, but this morning on the elevator I had to laugh when the senior market strategist hopped on with me. I won't give away his name because you might recognize it.. he is often on CNBC giving blurbs about the market forecast. To my surprise he didn't just stare and even wished me well and a week early! :)

I think jokes are hilarious. I probably send it better than I receive. Something in my sick brain gets the biggest kick out of it. I realize it is not nice and mature and therefore I don't do it to people except for probably Ryan.... maybe once every couple of months. He takes it well and let's me get my laugh. My favorite thing to do is watch him jump when he comes around the corner. I know.. it's so mean and awful, but so funny.

Ok, so I'm kind of at the whale state of pregnancy. My belly goes straight out and I'm thankful for that because I don't want to know how big my cankles are. Ignorance is bliss right?! I'm a big girl these days and I get big prego girl looks. I take the elevator up to work everyday... I mean it's not like I'm about to take the stairs at this point. People really give me the looks on the elevator. Like they want to say something, but don't have enough time to think of how to put "you're about to pop" nicely. Or maybe they are thinking.. "get me off before her water breaks and leaks on me." Not sure....

But...Wouldn't it be HILARIOUS to have the elevator rigged to stop or freeze and then have me pretend like I'm going in labor right then and there?!? Right in the midst of a few successful business men. That would send me laughing right into eternity. What a good story for my last day on the job before I have this baby!

I'm not going to do it though.. so don't get too excited. I'll just rehearse it in my brain and laugh. Wasn't there a Saved By the Bell episode where this happens? oh look at the time... Grey's Anatomy!

P.S........

This job has been such a blessing... better than I could have hoped for on so many levels. Thank you SO much for praying for me during this season. I am so grateful. Onward to the next chapter..... Oh my.. I need prayers big time! :)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Progress and motherhood

Today was an interesting day. Half way through my day at work I decided that my lower back pain and cramping seemed significantly more than usual. Being a rookie mom, I decided to call my doctor and ask what they thought. They said that it would hurt to come in and have them check me, so I did. Nothing much to report.. I am now measuring 38 weeks, which is back to normal (2 weeks ahead). My last visit was the first time they said I was measuring normal during my entire pregnancy. I think it was just the doctor. She also said that I am almost 1 cm dilated. When you have 9 more to go, that doesn't mean much to me. She also said that if I start going into labor they will not stop it at this point! Eh! I'd like to get some things done before this baby comes, but in the grand scheme what does it matter? Who knows what this waiting game will look like! It will probably be at least a few more weeks. My prayer is that I will have a healthy baby.... I'd love to have a normal/natural delivery (no c-section.. yes for the epidural) that goes ridiculously smooth and uneventful, but who wouldn't?!

I feel like the mom hormones are starting to kick in to an extent. There's a good chance I will be THAT mom for a while in the beginning. Ya know...overprotective, paranoid, and momma bearish. I sense it already, but what can you do except chalk it right up to all the other things I have and will eat my words on. When I think about this little life that is going to be entrusted to me I feel so .... RESPONSIBLE and motherly. Like nothing else in creation would keep me from giving every fiber of my being for this child. Man, it's just so weird how this completely unknown part of me is starting to feel so natural! I have a feeling that I am going to absolutely love motherhood!! Pregnancy and labor (assuming) probably aren't my favorite things, but this baby... what a perfect belated Valentine's Day, 1 year Anniversary and birthday present he will be. Ry, you get out easy this year!

Come when you want to, little buddy, I'm ready to be your mom!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

last few weeks without our baby boy...

Over the course of the past week I have started feeling a million times better. Today was the final test when I drove up to IKEA. Normally that is the worst position for me to be in because my ribs start feeling on fire, but today I felt like I could breathe kick free... HOOOORRAY!! I seriously have not felt this good since 27 weeks pregnant. Being a first time mom I have no idea what the the last trimester is like (except for what books say), but my guess is that little man has dropped. With that said, I feel pretty good in my pregnant state and I'm hoping to squeeze a few more weeks out before he makes his grand entrance... not that I can't totally wait to kiss that baby face.

Today I have gone in a nesting frenzy getting things ready for his arrival. I finished our guest bedroom complete with fresh sheets on the bed, and a few other things around the house!! Mom, it's ready for ya! She is the easiest and most wonderful person ever to come visit and would be happy with anything, but she will be our first over-night visitor ever and I just want things to be in their place! This is my last week of work.... wow... I don't know whether to jump for joy or bite my nails...maybe a little of both! I'm feeling more than anything a close to the beginning chapter of our marriage (life without babies). Maybe a little short, but great all the same! Well my man is home from drill and I better cherish these quiet Sunday nights with just the two of us! Lata!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

one of those days..

Do you ever have those weeks where you are really happy you never have to go back and relive… they’re hard and quite frankly just not fun? My week hasn’t been to that extreme of awful, but I’m pretty glad that’s it will close in a couple of days. It’s just been a bummer week…just a bummer.. not gut wrenching, but blah. A week where Ryan and I have had to look at each other and look to God saying, here we are again God.. we’re yours…be our God. I had to laugh the other day on the way to my doctor… driving.. driving… and then I look up to realize I have no idea on earth where I am. The thought to uhhh.. hello, get off the exit.. did not even occur to me. So 45 minutes late, I arrive! Yesterday, my laptop decided to freeze while doing some updating. No biggie, just turn it off right?! Yea, if only it would have come back on after I turned it off. Ryan’s will hopefully be virus free at some point this evening, and mine, well I am hoping that someone can extract all my files on an external hard drive bc the Toshiba lady said we needed to restore to factory settings (wipe the hard drive). I’m bummed and concerned all my pictures are gone forever….hopefully not. She just said the key is to get those files off before you wipe the hard drive.

It feels as if this week has brought another reminder to hold life and people tightly, but things loosely. This morning I got a call at 5:30 AM from one of my sisters. I missed the call, but tried calling her back right away. No answer. Then a voicemail popped up on my phone from her. I frantically called it wondering if what I heard on the other end would change my life forever… early morning calls are never good… and usually come with bad news. When I heard the message it was a baby cooing, another little boy chatting, and a mama ordering a large coffee from Chick-fil-A. Relief swept over me. Must have been a munchkin playing with his mom’s phone or something accidentally pushed recent call type thing. Whew!

I was reminded this morning the need for perspective and to actively measure the importance of things compared to eternity. I guess a change in my plans and 2 messed up computers aren’t all that serious anymore after all, but I am surely praying I can recover those pictures…..

In other news, I went to the doctor and I am now measuring exactly where they think I am week wise... 35 weeks. However, in the past couple of days I have felt less discomfort in my ribs and more pressure lower. I'm still umcomfortable, but not quite as bad! I'm not sure if he has dropped or not, and honestly whatever is fine with me, but heavens I love some of the relief I have felt! Thank you Lord!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Super Bowl Sunday...

On the cusp of another week I feel rested and ready to get this ball rolling. Not that I ever look forward to Mondays, but the sooner I start the work week the closer I am to finishing my temp job. What a blessing this job has been… thank you Lord! It is our intentions for me to stay at home once the baby comes, or something part-time (hopefully in home)….We shall see what life will look like in the coming months. Deep breath! This past weekend was spent relaxing a lot for me and doing “life stuff.” It feels good to be caught up with my “to do list” while working. After I finish this job, there is a new list to begin complete with everything I’ve put off for the past couple of months! Day at a time eh?!

I am growing more and more accustomed to seeing Ryan reading and doing school work. Bless Charleston Southern University’s good intentions, but I’m not sure Ryan nor I ever studied during our time there. I’m sure there are majors there that require hitting the books, but ours weren’t one of those. All that to say, seeing him study is a new thing for me! It is encouraging to see him enjoy school and be challenged by what he is learning. This is where his heart is and there is something so freeing about knowing your man is fulfilling his call.

Ryan and I celebrated.. (or said) Happy 11 months today! Wooo hooo! I have to laugh that we keep up with the months, but honestly it seems like it’s been 3 years or so. Maybe it’s just my pregnancy brain, but it’s hard to even think back and remember what life was like even just a year ago planning a wedding and dating. I just remember thinking “I can’t wait until we don’t have to say goodnight and leave.” A year later we’re pulling back the covers at 10 PM! Not sure if I get more sleep this year due to a pressing bladder and basketball size uterus, (sorry if that was a little graphic… uterus isn’t one of my fav words either) but it sure is nice to share constant companionship with your best friend. 2 years ago I didn’t even know Ryan Epp existed.. now he’s not just my husband, but my baby-daddy! We had good intentions of going out for some dessert this evening; however after I made chocolate chip banana bread I thought my doctor would be proud of me to say no to a double taking of dessert! So with that said.. I’ll leave you with a yummy, but REALLY fattening recipe (I’m secretly hoping Ryan finishes the rest of it off due to his random December weight loss and my weight gain, but shhh it's suppose to be a kind gesture without any hidden motives :) Oh yea.. did the Super Bowl come on today?! How did the Lions do..? Just kidding.. we did watch it and were sad that Kurt Warner's team didn't win. :(

1 ¼ c. flour
1 c. sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
½ c shortening (hello fat grams)
2 ripe bananas
2 eggs
1 c. chopped walnuts or CHOCOLATE CHIPS (optional)

Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl
Add shortening to dry ingredients and cut in with pastry blender or fork.
In a separate bowl, beat eggs lightly by hand. Mash bananas and mix with eggs.
Add banana mixture into dry ingredients. Add walnuts or chocolate chips. Stir well.Pour mixture int a greased loaf pan and bake at 325