Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Adaire's Birth Story

It was New Years Eve around 5:45 AM when my braxtons hicks felt a little more regular than usual.  Ryan had to work part of the day so we decided he should still go in, but I'd just keep him posted should anything change.  I was about 5 days out from my scheduled c-section and just past 38 weeks pregnant.  As a busy mom, I knew there was still stuff to get done so I decided to get up and get going and see if the contractions stopped.  And they did.

I ran some errands and bought a ton of groceries that day.  I wanted to make sure I had plenty of food for my kids and parents who would be arriving that weekend!  It was a good and productive day!

We had a few different options on what to do for New Year's Eve, but felt like it would be best to be home.  Ryan put the kids to bed and I took it easy.  We had a little fondue date at home and I hoped to go to bed early.  The fondue date happened but (Praise Jesus) I didn't go to bed early.  My typical time that Adaire would move in pregnancy was early morning and late evening.  She was super active that morning and I was ready to feel this girl give me some good kicks after chocolate and sparkling grape juice, but all I got was one little kick.

I went upstairs and drank a huge glass of apple juice and took a bath.  Surely this would get her going.  Except it didn't.  I drank two more glasses, laid on my left side for an hour and felt nothing.  I began to panic at this point.  Ryan thought everything was fine and that I should just go to bed, but I knew I WOULD NOT SLEEP.  I really felt the Holy Spirit telling me to GET CHECKED immediately.  At this point, my nerves were going so strong. We decided that I should be checked and that there is no shame in being sent home.  I placed a call in with my doctor but didn't wait for them to call me back.  I grabbed my phone charger, purse and headed out while Ryan stayed at home with our sleeping kids.

On the way to the hospital I began shaking due to the adrenilin.  A midwife called me back and also suggested I come in.  I told her I was walking in!  They quickly checked me in and began looking for a heartbeat.  Thankfully, the nurse easily found it and I said, "sweet, can I go home now?"  The midwife suggested we do a non-stress test just to make sure and I was certainly fine with that plan.

That's when things changed.  While they found a heartbeat, they could tell something was wrong based on a lack of movement.  They brought in a "stun thing"to attempt to get her to move, and she didn't.  They told me, you're having this baby soon so call your husband!  I continued to shake and frantically made calls to let Ryan know and tell my parents to head out.

Thankfully, a dear friend got to our house in 5 minutes and Ryan made it to the hospital very quickly.  My labs were being drawn and I continued to shake and pray that our girl would be ok.  There was one point where the nurse had to come in and work to find her heartbeat.  I'm not sure why or what happened but it took a couple minutes and I could tell we were close to being rushed in right away to get Adaire out.  Again, God in his mercy allowed the nurse to get her heartbeat and my labs to come back prior to surgery.

Another doctor from a a well trusted practice was on call for my ob since it was a holiday.  I was so grateful for her calm and competent presence.  I was scared but I knew Jesus was so very close.

Soon it was go time and I was able to receive a spinal and be awake for her surgery.  Surgery began and very quickly things got really quiet.  She came out and the doctor said "double nuchal cord in a knot."  That meant the cord was around her neck twice and also in a knot (the really serious part). Everyone but me knew what that meant, but I knew something was really wrong.  They did not tell me how serious things were but instead said, "this OR is so small they just need a little more room to check her out."  I knew things were serious and I just waited knowing that MY Savior was with me and the same God that was so close to me formed my precious girl and loved her more than my breaking mama heart.  I later learned she came out blue with a low apgar score.

They came and got Ryan to go see her and quickly told me they thought she would be ok but needed some help.  What tremendous relief I felt.  Soon, he brought her into me and I began to sob.  I was able to kiss her before she headed off to the NICU.  All I could say through my tears was "PRAISE YOU JESUS" over and over.  My fellow believers in that operating room worshiped alongside me while the nurse anethisist wiped hers and my tears.  It was a moment I will treasure in my heart forever.  As the doctor finished on me she leaned over the drape and said, "Tonight you saved your daughter's life."  My only response through my tears was, "No, Jesus did, he saved her life."

Adaire stayed in the nursery for a few hours for monitoring but showed no issues.  This WAS HUGE. Ryan bounced back and forth bringing me pictures and giving updates.  Then she got to come meet me and I immediately was able to nurse her.  That was such a treasure for me.

As a Mom, I often feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  It's my job to keep them safe from physical, emotional and spiritual harm.  It's my job to meet all of their needs.  It's my job to pick up on something potentially bad before it becomes harmful. It's so much more than what's outlined in "What to expect."  While, it is my job to keep them safe, 6 months later I have chosen to see Adaire's birth through the lens of God's sovereign care.  Instead of living in the constant world of what ifs and anxiety, I can know that there is a God who loves my kids more than I can imagine.  He purposed for her little life and he has a plan for her.  He showed me what I needed to know and the time so he could accomplish his plan for her.  And that same God who formed her would have still be good if I was typing this from the heart of a grieving mother.  And while I can't carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, he's already done that for me and is available each day to renew and strengthen me to be the mom he's called me to be.

I'm sure you can imagine how much I've thought about this traumatizing event.  God's hand was so powerful, but it was still really scary.  I often look at her and praise God that she's here.  My beautiful New Years Day miracle baby, Adaire Ellington. Just for kicks, she was the first baby of the New Year at the hospital I delivered.  The doctors and nurses gave us a really sweet basket full of gifts.  It was such a fun treat after a scary event.