Under His Umbrella

settling in... wherever we are.

2012-02-05T14:08:00.000-08:00

We've moved to this little precious town near a big town that we love. I may think it's more precious now that I know it has a really cute cupcake shop! It's a 45 minute commute for Ryan and I'm driving about 15 min to the bigger town, but it's a great compromise for the season we are in.

Moving is a job. Much of our junk was in storage. We had the basics in our apartment, but there much to unpack from our first move to a house. I've tried to take it easy, but the OCD in me goes insane when I see boxes. Like I must turn away or I will have a box cutter in my hand in .3 seconds...or turn into a pillar of salt (ok, maybe not that bad). Couple that personality trait with the fact that mama bird is nesting and has spent too much time on pinterest and, whoa. Heaven help us all.

Thankfully a week later, we are getting more settled and I'm flying high on projects. Actually I start 'em and Skillz (aka Ryan) usually has to finish and or fix them. So here's a little preview...iphone style.

More later about my projects on the cheapers.

29 weeks.

2012-01-19T11:50:00.000-08:00

best attempt at taking my own pic today...

How Far Along: 29 weeks, 1 day

Size of baby: She is the size of a butternut squash and may weigh around 2 1/2 lbs.

Gender: IT'S A GIRL!!! We HAVE a name. It wasn't mine and it wasn't his but it's HERS! I call her this now and I know it fits her.. our genre... and our little family. She will also have a middle family name straight from my family. That part of the name is really special to me. It's official enough that I made her a hair bow holder with the first letter. I'd tell the world BUT Ryan has my lips sealed. ugh.

Maternity Clothes: I wear some bigger normal clothes but everything else is all maternity!

Weight gain: 19 lbs. Let's be honest, I'm not thrilled to keep typing this BUT let's face it.. I have (or am) a growing girl. Seriously, the appetite has been ridiculous. Whoa. Homegirl needs to feast on what's already there! ;) Thankfully my mad hunger from last week is leveling out this week.

Belly Button: in.

Movement: lots of movement. I am so grateful for her moves and shakes.

Sleep: great for the meantime minus a couple Charlie horses. About a year ago we bought a new mattress and I feel so much more comfortable when I wake up in the morning compared to when I was pregnant with Titus.

Symptoms: I feel pretty good minus some heartburn. I don't feel like my normal self but chasing a toddler all day really helps me to feel active and good despite my huge belly. When I was pregnant with Titus I was at a desk all day and wow, I was so uncomfortable. A couple weeks ago, I spent a good bit of time making felt bows and sitting at a table. It reminded me of how I felt when pregnant with T! Stay moving pregnant ladies, it feels so much better!! I have braxton hicks and sometimes more pressure than I remember with Titus. I asked about this and my dr said this is perfectly normal and increases with each pregnancy.

Cravings: Since going to sweets 1 day a week, I've wanted sweets more!!! I never really thought much about the fact that I live 2 minutes from my fav ice cream shop until recently. Now, I have to "be strong" every time I leave the house, but so far, no cheating. However, my love for chicken wings has followed me the entire time! My husband made a late night run for my sis and I last week while she was visiting (this was only the 2nd time he has done this for wings). Hot wings and a movie was a good combo even if I did feel like a Mcfatty! BTW.. Logan's Roadhouse has the BEST wings EVER!

Best Moment of the Week: I had my glucose test this past week and I'm in the clear (yes, I waited until the last possible day). She is also measuring right on track which makes this mama thankful. I love her kicks, but heavens she is def not as wild as her brother was. I had a lot of fun making bows for her. She may not have any hair, but I have that covered too! Necessary, no? Fun, YES!!!!!

if I don't write it down... 34 months

2012-01-17T19:33:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe MY baby is almost 3 years old. Seriously, time flies.

We are full on into imagination land. The boy dresses up 24/7 and just informed me he needs some indian gear and a new pair of cowboy boots. Lucky for him, a homemade teepee is in the works, thanks to Pinterest and my husband's mad skills. I think it will be a cute addition to his cowboy/indian room.

He can talk the horns off a billy goat. I hear, "Hey mom....." at least 1,000 times a day. Along with using all his and my words each day, the boy remembers EVERYTHING. I love that his mind is so active. At least on a weekly basis he asks me if I remember when he was running around while eating and threw up in my hand (YES I remember). This was like 5 months ago! We were both scarred.

We are trying to move him to his big boy bed (aka Woody/Buzz bed). It's only Woody/Buzz because of the sheets. He SO wants to be a big boy but gets a little scared and begs for his crib. Thanks to his fav Bible story, he is scared of giants. And monsters. We pray and talk about how Jesus protects us and is with us, but I can't blame him. I'm scared of the giants too. We tried some "monster spray" but I think that made it more real for him. Parent of the year, right here.

As much as he wants to be a big boy, I can tell his little mind is trying to figure out this baby sister thing. He has wanted me to hold him like a baby and do more baby things lately. I know he loves her and will love her.. but learning to share his parents might be a process. I see some Mommy dates in the future after she comes to help him know he is still just as loved. I'm sure I'll have a good cry over that at some point!

But the sweetest conversation to date goes something like this....

Titus: Hey Mom, Can I get a bracelet for my birthday?

Me: Why do you want a bracelet?

Titus: Because I married to you.

Me: But, remember I'm married to Daddy.

Titus: No, I married to you next time.

Me: Ok, buddy.. I'm honored ;)

(Ryan later told me he was asking him about his wedding band yesterday.. ah ha)

Any tips for getting this child into a normal bed!? Seriously, he just sleeps so stinkin' good in that crib! Is there hope he'll still take naps and sleep well in a bed?

Ft. Bragg Life

2012-01-13T07:34:00.000-08:00

I'm linking with Kelly for military families today! This is my little family of 3.. soon to be 4 with a baby girl coming the beginning for April.

Although my husband (Ryan) has been in the Army for coming up on 9 years in April, I feel like our Army life is just getting started with his entry into full-time Army work. Ryan is in the Army Reserves, yet works full-time for his unit. This puts him in the active duty category... they call it AGR.

When he took this job we moved 3000 miles back to the East coast from Portland, OR. We are so thrilled to see the sun and enjoy more seasons! We have currently been here around 4 months and are continuing to settle. We will be living a little ways from base and go to church an awesome church in Cary. This has probably made it a little more hard for me to meet other moms. Ryan is currently about to enter his senior year of seminary at Western Seminary (although we aren't a year away from being done). While we don't feel God's calling to the chaplaincy right now, we know he has a plan and a purpose for this schooling and are excited how he will continue to use it in our lives.

Ryan was deployed before we got married to Iraq. While he hasn't gone again in a while, we know that is part of the deal and pray God will give us the grace we need for that season. My heart goes out to the families here that are currently dealing with deployments. It brings me to tears when I think about all the LIFE that happens in this small town. I am always so impressed with the strength I see in soldiers, husbands, wives, and children when duty calls. We have been so blessed by some of the humble soldiers we have met here who show so much courage when facing war.

While I never really pictured myself as an Army wife (and can't say I LOVE everything about Army life), I know this is part of God's plan and watching my husband thrive in that is such a blessing to us all. I have always been grateful for our country and the people who serve, but seeing firsthand the sacrifices given takes things to a new level for me. It is such an honor for me to teach my little boy about brave men and women right near our doorstep.

Thank you to each of the families out there who sacrifice so much. I pray God will remind you today that you aren't forgotten whether in country on changing diapers. He is using you and your family to shape history!!

sweet sunday

2012-01-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

One our New Years goals, resolutions, or whatever you want to call it is to only eat sweets on Sunday. This means no sweets cross our lips the rest of the week. Oh and it's a good one on Sunday too!! Although I would probably choose a savory dip over sweets this pregnancy, I did have a dream about desserts this week so that does tell you something. Here's to my prayers to finish the last 12 weeks of pregnancy without hoping my child weighs 15 lbs at birth so I can lose the weight faster!

Here's one thing we've been learning and dialoging about these days (I step onto my soap box)..

I think life is about balance (except when it comes to loving Jesus with our whole heart). We all want magical formulas.

There is no magical formula to a healthy lifestyle. If you diet crazy or skip meals, you kill your metabolism. If you don't exercise, you have cellulite. If you over-exercise, you burn yourself out.

For me, it goes further than just eating. If I want to be close to God, I spend time in his word and pray. If I want long-standing authentic relationships, I become a giver and a blessing to others (life lesson #1002). No magic there, but daily submission to dying to self and letting go of selfishness and entitlement. Yes, I could write a book on the "victim" mentality and how it effects every part of our lives from friendships to money.

Anyways. Although we have a long way to go on all accounts, our sweets on Sunday is an attempt to add a little more balance into the Epp household. I love the freshness a new year offers.

Let's just say the buster brown ice cream dessert is treating us well today!

some new favorite things.. budget style

2012-01-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

It's January. I actually love the freshness of January. After Christmas, January always offers a chance to get back on our strict budget (just in time for seminary tuition..ugh). I have a love/hate relationship with this strict budget concept! :) Since I never got around to some of my fav things like my friend, Oprah (actually I'm not exactly a huge fan anymore) I figured I'd share some of my favorite friendly things!

Homemade laundry detergent. I made this 4 months ago and we have barely used 1/4 of what was made. I spent around $40 total on the supplies (including the glass containers) and I am guessing this will last us over a year. That's $3.33 a month AND I use a little more than directed on the tutorial. The best part is that it really does work well. Of course, I'm a fabric softener junkie so I do add that to the washer along with it.

Scentsy. I love love love it. I have recently bought jut the cheaper warmers from Wal-Mart and added the Scentsy wax. I'm still testing it to make sure it gets just as warm, but so far so good! I like to buy a new wax bar each season and for $5, it's worth it and makes me feel like I have "safe candles" burning all day! Nothing extravagant but a little pleasure I enjoy!

Sharpie Pens. I received one of these as a little surprise at Christmas. Such a thoughtful gift in the simple things and I LOVE it. Seriously, it's the best pen and makes I look forward to writing my lists with it. Yes, I am a type A-er and I fully embrace it. :)

Ion Titanium Platinum Straightener. On a trip flying to Charleston, my CHI died. It served me well for over 3 years, but it was dead and I was sad. I was also sad because I knew another wasn't quite in the budget. My mom let me try her straightener out and I was shocked to see this worked so well.. maybe even better than my CHI and it was over half the price!

Israeli Couscous. One of our goals for the New Year is to eat less meat. This comes from a desire to eat healthier and since we can't always afford the meat we want to eat, eating less makes perfect sense! I was introduced to this over Christmas and it was so so good. You can cook it with lots of sneaky veggies and laugh like a desperate housewife as your child eats "pasta balls like superman." A 6 lb. bag will run you around $6.99 at Costco. It makes a gracious plenty so my husband was happy when I said, "eat as much as you want!" We made it a full meal including the veggies and some bread and hummus on the side. The hummus was a great source of protein (and iron) so this acted as more of a meat replacement.

Have you found any budget friendly favs to add to the list?! I'm all ears! :)

25 weeks and some change

2011-12-26T15:48:00.000-08:00

How Far Along: 25 weeks, 5 days

Size of baby: She is 13 1/2 inches and 1 1/5 lbs according to averages.

Gender: IT'S A GIRL!!! I had a name. Ryan had a name. They are different. Then we thought we had a name together. Laugh. I bailed (I think). We'll probably just keep some in the running and then see what she looks like. I guess this one will be a secret by default!

Maternity Clothes: mostly maternity. I think it may be more flattering and oh my, we've grown!!

Weight gain: Up 14 (a couple days ago). Christmas, be good to me!

Belly Button: in.

Movement: I feel her all throughout the day but mainly at night and in the early morning. However, I must say she isn't as wild as her brother was (at least not yet). If you are around Titus in his "true colors" you'll know the boy is always.moving.non.stop. He was like that in the womb too which made for insanely sore ribs!

Sleep: I am filling my sleep bank for the next year. Oh how I pray this child likes to sleep like her older bro!

Symptoms: Lifewise, I'm ready to settle (another post for another day) but pregnancy wise I feel great. I've recently started prenatal yoga on a home DVD and it feels great to stretch at night and relax. I'm a big fan. Lately, I've been more nervous about her birth. Having had a previous c-section, this poses more questions for me with 2 of my doctors encouraging vbacs (doctor in Portland and here). We are praying for wisdom and would covet your prayers.

Cravings: I've enjoyed sweets more but I'm kind of over it now. I had this insanely good Caesar salad from Nordstrom Cafe in Durham last week and I'm still craving it now.

Best Moment of the Week: Titus talks about his sister a lot. He will see something he likes and say, "I wish I could get this for my baby sister??" It's funny and endearing. I've also been trying to just rest in God's perfect timing on things. The peace his gives "amidst" is a great feeling. And of course.... CHRISTMAS!!!! :)

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas. I always have. As cliche as it sounds, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year for this girl. I always tell Ryan I need one day in July to let me listen to some Christmas songs and then they are out in our house in full color by sometime in October. I just can't help it! As we near 4 years of marriage, he now loves it too! :)

I get it honestly. My mom has always loved Christmas too. She attributes it to my Pa who always made Christmas really special for her as a child. Even as an adult, my mom still picks out little surprises whether it's socks, a pen or our yearly children's book to show us we're loved. I treasure those special things so much (thanks, Mom). Amidst the gifts though, Christmas has always been about Jesus coming to give life. God's great love and gift of Christ is celebrated in the gifts we share, food we eat and time spent together. I am so grateful Ryan and I have both had that to grow up with.

As a mom now with a child who is starting to get into Christmas, I have worked all season to make things special and fun. We have talked and talked about Jesus' birth. We've built wonky gingerbread houses (that were fails) and driven to see lights whenever possible. We've visited Santa, watched Christmas movies, and sang every Christmas song on the planet. Titus may never understand why his crazy mom stalked Target's after Halloween costume sale so he could have dress up clothes on the budget for Christmas or why I shopped all night on Black Friday.

Sometimes amidst all the fun, I wondered if those little things would cloud the true meaning of Christmas for him.. or for me.. or us as a family? The other day in the car, he had been thinking and randomly asked, "Why Jesus birthday on Christmas?" Although he probably was completely confused, the fact that he was connecting the two meant progress for this mom. His precious little hands reaching for wooden baby Jesus as we read the Christmas story this morning was the sweetest gift I could ever have received this Christmas. My heart is full because a little baby born in Bethlehem was the only thing that would fix my rebellious heart or my child's.

Sure I love the fun, the gifts, the pies and songs, but if we never sees Jesus clearly in a simple manger.. what does it matter?

I want Titus to know him. I want him to know that the same baby in the manager can be his Savior... in a real way. The fun is great, but the treasure is found in the meaning!

It's probably helpful that he was sweet and endearing with his questions and while listening to the Christmas story, because shortly after he had a major melt down! Typical toddler.. and normal family but we did have a Merry Christmas either way!!

22 weeks

2011-12-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

How Far Along: 22 week, 1 day

Size of baby: 11 inches from head to toe and almost 1 lb.

Gender: IT'S A GIRL!!!

Maternity Clothes: A mix still although if they are not maternity it's because they were lose before I got pregnant. The fitted jeans of pre-pregnancy are def gone!

Weight gain: I've gained 10 lbs.

Belly Button: in.

Movement: I am enjoying her movement. Ryan actually felt her kick last night which was neat.

Sleep: I sleep more now than I probably ever will again. I am cherishing the extra zzz's now.

Symptoms: I can tell I am def getting bigger!! I have been in a nesting frenzy and have sewn up a storm the past few days.

Best Moment of the Week: Thanksgiving was busy and fun.. along with an all night shopping extravaganza!! :) I also felt a big sigh of relief when I finished her bedding!!

the diy crib bedding

2011-11-29T16:49:00.000-08:00

If all goes as planned with the house we have a contract on, I'm guessing the next few month will fly by. We have some DIY projects planned (stay tuned) that will keep us hopping. Our goal is to get most of the things done by baby girl time. I know our time will greatly change when she arrives and instead of decorating etc I will morph into a lactating zombie!

When I found out I was pregnant, I thought I'd probably go for the DIY crib bumper. With a veteran's day discount (for family with id's too), a couple 50% off coupons and fabric on sale, I was able to buy everything including some new thread for around $40. The only problem was that I knew I could crash and burn.

I've decided that a hard yard stick should have been purchased from the beginning rather than halfway through AND I should be more of a meticulous perfectionist with these things. In the end, I think it will work great! I'm hoping and praying it doesn't unravel at the first washing sewn (I did prewash before). My goal was presentable, not perfect!

I'm thinking we'll probably go with a pale pink or gray for the walls and then the opposite for curtains. I have a few things for the walls I'm planning on having Ryan spray paint and also hoping to find a used simple dresser to redo. Then we'll call it good!

Any DIY projects consume your life lately?!

20 weeks

2011-11-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

How Far Along: 20 week, 5 days

Size of baby: 10 inches from head to toe (before 20 weeks measurements are taken from head to rump). She is the size of a banana and weights 10 1/2 ounces.

Gender: IT'S A GIRL!!! I think she may have a name but in true Epp style I think we'll wait until we see her to decide for sure!

Maternity Clothes: A mix still although I do enjoy my low rise maternity jeans. It's time to use the belly band more to prolong my other jeans (although the rubber band works pretty well). Some clothes (and angles) really show the belly more than others which is fine with me.. I'd rather look preggo than thick!

Weight gain: I've gained 7 lbs.

Belly Button: in.

Movement: She is a mover and a shaker! When I get still, I feel her little kicks. I really cherish this time in pregnancy while I am still pretty comfortable before she has taken over my body!

Sleep: I love sleep. She usually wakes me up during the early morning moving around, but thankfully I go back to sleep. I think God uses this in pregnancy to get mama's ready for the complete lack of sleep that will come after delivery!

Symptoms: I am starting to get a bigger appetite. I love cold salads, Chick-fil-a's cole slaw, and crispy grapes. I have also developed a love for cereal. I craved WAY more red meat and sweets with Titus. I am already craving my Mom's sage dressing, sweet potato casserole and homemade mac and cheese. Let's hope the weight gain doesn't triple next week!

Best Moment of the Week: After lots of negotiating our offer on a house was accepted. If things goes as planned, we'll close in early January! Hooray!

my favorite..

2011-11-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

...little boy ever!! (beware it's a long post) All this talk about this sweet baby girl and I already feel the balancing act happening between siblings. I looked through pictures of Titus from the past 2.5 years and felt so grateful for him and the fun we've had. I can't imagine doing anything but spending my days with him and I'm pumped to add a sista to the mix! I really struggle with worrying over his safety, health etc however, I am really trying to not let Satan whisper his lies and instead, cherish each little stage with him and praise God for him.

He's at such a fun age and I can always see the wheels turning in his little mind. He asks lots of questions and I do my best explaining! ;) Everything seems to be his favorite and he has a fond love for Spongebob. Sidenote- he's NEVER watched Spongebob and knows he can't but when we see it in the store he says, "Spongebob, dat's my favorite." He truly loves Superheroes and jumping off furniture ALL day long. Heaven, help me!

He is potty trained but I usually just make him go throughout the day because he doesn't like to tell me until he REALLY has to go. Somehow he manages to not have many accidents....I think he has a bladder of steel. We still do diapers for nap and nighttime. I don't see an end in sight there. He makes me laugh when he has to poop by saying, "I gotta get my big poops out."

He loves to dance and is way too picky when it comes to eating. Since moving he has reinstated nap time. Praise the Lord! He loves to wrestle and I am convinced that candy breads awful behavior for him.
He likes to sing made up songs and perform for us. It's quite hilarious! He loves to help me and I'm pretty sure he'd like to attach himself to my body 24/7. Transition has made him cling to me all the more. Oh well.. there are worse things eh!? :)

He has recently been telling me he loves me throughout the day and asking if I want different princess things (like a princess shirt). Melt my heart. Seriously, kid... I'm putty at this point.

I'd have to say... he's the ABSOLUTE BEST surprise of my life!!

19 weeks

2011-11-11T18:26:00.000-08:00

How Far Along: 19 weeks and some change.

Size of baby: 6 inches. The size of a turkey sub. Raise your hand if you don't want subway for lunch now (kidding)!

Gender: IT'S A GIRL!!! We are still working on a name. Seriously, maybe we will agree on one by the time she's here. I'm so not even kidding! :) At least it's a joint effort here although I'm pretty sure I know what she "wants" to be named!

Maternity Clothes: A mix still. I'm not a fan of those full panel things yet so I'm using my low-rise maternity pants and the rubber band trick.

Weight gain: I've gained 6.5 lbs.

Belly Button: in.

Movement: I feel moment a lot in the late evenings and around 6 AM she usually gets moving. I think she may be a morning person!! Titus and I won't know what to do with her but Ryan will!! :)

Sleep: I have been more tired recently but sleep is great so far!

Symptoms: I feel like a hot mess. I can't remember anything. I am losing everything (my beloved retainers, a dr. prescription, and my mind) and I hit a car in my parent's car. Can I please blame this all on pregnancy?! Doubtful. No joke, I feel like my sweet girl is taking my brain cells!

Cravings: Really crispy and fresh romaine salads with protein and light ranch dressing. I could live off of those! I am also craving (like right now) chicken wings and CELERY sticks. I've always hated celery until this pregnancy. Go figure.

Best Moment of the Week: Ryan came home after being away at a military school for 3 weeks. It's nice to have him home and we will hopefully get back into routine soon! We have a big ultrasound coming Monday that I'm pretty nervous about...we are praying things will look good.

A pic will come soon.. if my brain can remember it. Prepare yourself! I've grown!! ;)

17 weeks.. a growing pumpkin

2011-10-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights

(don't mind the lack of outfit choices here)

How Far Along: 17 weeks

Size of baby: 5 inches long, 5 ounces. The size of an turnip.

Gender: IT'S A GIRL!!! I'm honestly still shocked as Ryan and I both said we'd put money on a boy! Looking back I do think this pregnancy has been slightly different in the way I'm carrying and the awful acne at the beginning but just thought that was because it's a different pregnancy.

Maternity Clothes: My bigger jeans fit fine, but I recently got a pair of maternity jeans from Forever 21 and I'm really liking them!!! As much as I think I look pretty "thick," I'm trying to enjoy this stage because I feel great and know how uncomfortable the last weeks can be!

I think a little girl will be a cute addition to the Fall pic!

Weight gain: 4 lbs.

Belly Button: in.

Movement: I'm pretty sure I have felt some flutters while laying down. On the ultrasound the lady said she is a wild woman.

Sleep: It's been pretty good!

Symptoms: My appetite is starting to get A LOT bigger. Planning to get back on the bandwagon of eating healthier.

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing out little GIRL move around and hearing her heartbeat was a beautiful thing, but my favorite moment was finding out what she was going to be. We would have been thrilled with either, but going to Target and hearing Ryan say, "go get your little girl an outfit" was a ton of fun!

the taco torte

2011-10-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

I'm all about an easy recipe that will fill up my husband. His appetite is insane and normally is hungry a couple hours after a full dinner! This recipe is pretty filling AND easy! Yay! It's a regualr in his fam and a favorite.

Taco Torte

1 lb. cooked gound beef
1 onion diced
1 can tomato sauce
1 can diced tomatoes
1 packet of taco seasoning

-mix all together and put in a casserole dish and top with cheddar cheese. Bake on 350 for 20-25 minutes and you're done! We serve this over tortilla chips with sour cream, lettuce, salsa, olives etc. I'll usually make some mexican rice for a side as well.

Enjoy once and it actually makes great leftovers too!

15 weeks

2011-10-12T18:04:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 15 weeks

Size of baby: 4 inches long. The size of an apple. Crazy!

Gender: We are (hopefully) finding out next Wednesday!! Ryan will be going to Airborne school (guess who is not the excited one) and we really didn't want him to miss the big ultrasound so we are having one a couple weeks earlier at a baby ultrasound place. My bet is totally on a boy. Not sure why but we've both just thought we will have two boys first before any girls.

Maternity Clothes: not yet but my jeans are surely getting tight in the stomach. I think it's almost time to break out the bella band.

Weight gain: 3 lbs.

Belly Button: in.

Movement: I really thought I may have felt a slight flutter one morning, but I have no clue. It could have just been my stomach rumbling.

Sleep: I've been more tired and actually took a couple of naps during the day this week. Nighttime sleep has been nice. I sleep more than I ever have at night (or probably ever will again..like literally).

Symptoms: My appetite is increasing and my legs felt like a charlie horse was coming on. I never get that except in pregnancy. I'm drinking more water and trying to eat some bananas. It's probably the frumpy stage but oh well!

Best Moment of the Week: I'm hoping and praying the best moment of this week will be hearing this baby's heartbeat at my new doctor here. I really try not to take that for granted.

(keeping it real to the left)

13 and 14 weeks

2011-10-03T12:56:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 13, almost 14 weeks.. we'll just make this a 2 in one post!

Size of baby: the size of a lemon.. big growing this week!

Gender: we will find out mid November but our bet is on a boy!

Maternity Clothes: I'm sure it's only a matter of time, but trying to stay in the regulars as long as possible.

Weight gain: 2 lbs.

Belly Button: It better be in this early! It actually never popped out with T.

Movement: not yet!

Sleep: Sleep could be better this week, but that's not pregnancy related but big brother related. I think he's been having some bad early morning dreams. If you can't tell he thinks holding the sign is his special job!

Symptoms: I feel like I'm getting to the I look thick stage for sure.

Cravings: I craved my Dad's collards this past week big time. It was wonderful. My sweet tooth has been pretty turned off this pregnancy but I have really wanted some homemade rice crispy treats today! Ry is on his way with the ingredients! What a good Daddy!

Best moment this week: The best moment was coming home and Ryan telling me he has a 4 day weekend this week and he thinks we should do something fun!

12 weeks

2011-09-27T06:02:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 12 weeks 6 days (running a little behind)

Size of baby: a little over 2 inches in size.. the size of a lime.

Gender: I think there is a little brother in there!

Maternity Clothes: Not yet. I'm not the most inspired by maternity clothes!

Weight gain: 1 lb. I already feel thick in the midline!

Belly Button: It better be in this early! It actually never popped out with T.

Movement: nope, not yet.

Sleep: Sleep has been wonderful. I don't take naps during the day but usually get really good sleep at night. I love sleep and am enjoying it while I can! The using the potty during the night has curtailed a bit which has been nice!

Symptoms: I don't really feel pregnant at this point unless my stomach gets too empty and then I feel nauseous. My energy is returning which is great, but I pretty much have the sense of smell like a dog!! The acne is (thankfully) much better.

Cravings: They are pretty much just normal foods. I am loving fresh salads with dark green lettuce (hello Ruby Tuesday's salad bar) along with baked potatoes and warm soups. With Titus, I craved sweets 24/7 but not really with this one. I can't stand the thought of Chipotle or Moes which was once a fav.

Best moment this week: I'm pretty sure Titus thinks my belly button is the baby. He tells me numerous times a day that he wants to talk to the baby and goes straight for the belly button. Last night we were talking about being a big brother and he said he wants to give the baby a milkshake!

the move.

2011-09-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

The skinny...

- Ry left with his awesome Dad and drove 2800 miles in 72 hours. Crazy town.
- I flew and my awesome parents picked me up.
- The men and my cute little mom unloaded and then the girls and Titus unpacked.
- Lots of things went to storage.
- We're here! Yay!

Thoughts on Fayetteville...

- We are thrilled to be back in the south. It's this girls sweet spot.
- There are lots and lots of military. Everywhere. My heart breaks for all the sacrifice that is made here with this being the home of the Army Special Forces and 82nd Airborne. Bless those families.
- There are new cars.. well really brand new trucks everywhere. 99.9% driven by soldiers and they drive like crazy people. Ryan says this is the most testosterone filled city in America bc of the above.
- People are friendly and there are a ton of chain restaurants.
- We are grateful to be here and feel spoiled by a great hot water heater, garbage disposal and AC. No joke. Granted it's an apartment for 3 months but it's been great while we figure out the next step here.

The next step...

- We will most likely settle in Cary, NC and Ryan will be commuting. Long after this AGR tour, we'd love to put down roots there for the long haul. Prayers are appreciated on that one!
- We love that it's super close to Raleigh but very family friendly. Yes, we are pumped about a paved trail through the city with parks on it along with TJ's.
- We fell in love with a church. After hearing about this place over and over, we knew in 5 minutes this was a place that was reaching people. I kept thinking, this is a church I want my kids to grow up in.
- Lots of praying on our part will be happening. We really need God to open some big doors.

8 weeks (a month late)

2011-09-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

Excuse the delay. We've been busy just ya know.. moving across the country.. but alas we are somewhat settled!! So.. I think for this pregnancy, I will do the pregnancy updates. With T, I was able to make a little shutterfly book of my pregnancy and I hope to do the same for #2. So.. bear with me while I catch up. It may not be every week, but we'll see. And just because I'm hoping to be diligently healthy, I intend to post my weight gain. This is horrifying to me, but it will help the healthiness and not give way to eating for two! Only needing 300 extra calories a day! ;) If I suddenly quit, you'll know why!! ha! Since we won't be cooped up all winter, I am really looking forward to staying as active as this pregnancy allows. I'm probably big talk right now, but we'll see!!

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 8 weeks as of 8-25-11 (running behind)

Size of baby: the size of a kidney bean

Gender: who knows?! We think it's a little boy but my Mom says she's not convinced!

Maternity Clothes: nope, but I def feel the early pregnancy bloat. Awesome.

Weight gain: not yet.. but oh how they will come.

Belly Button: It better be in this early! It actually never popped out with T.

Movement: nope, not yet.

Sleep: Waking up super early and feeling very nauseous.

Symptoms: exhausted, nauseous (esp at 4 AM), super tender in the chest, and basically my skin looks like I just hit puberty.

Cravings: It's more like.. what doesn't make me want to gag. So far.. a crisp green salad and baked potatoes. My fav restaurant (Chipotle) now makes me want to gag. Sad day.

Best moment this week: seeing that little heart beat on the ultrasound screen and hearing Titus talk about the baby in his tummy!! It's crazy to think I will love another child like Titus, but seeing that ultrasound screen made me so excited to see how my love will multiply for another little Epp. I'm totally pumped but not wanting to rush this pregnancy at all!

I'm hoping to jump to a 12 week post tomorrow and then here we are right on track!

farewell portlandia

2011-09-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

It's my last night in Portland. Oh my goodness. It's hard to believe, yet it feels so natural too. I feel at rest in the fact that I know this is where God is leading, yet my heart is sad to leave my family and friends. People that have meant so much to us in the past 3 years. People that you don't just come by day in and day out. I know we will miss the color of this city and the places that became our favs, but things really boil down to people.

People at church, seminary, mom's groups, jobs, neighbors and family.

I have grown as a person and Ryan and I have grown as a unit in so many ways. Portland will always remind me of our chance to spread our wings as a newly married couple while quickly becoming a little family.

I was in a bible study this past spring with some seminary wives and professors wives. I remember one of the ladies who knew our situation looked at me and said, "you will remember these years of seminary/being broke/having babies as some of the best of your life."

I think she's right! I think eventually "THE rain" won't look as if it was such a big deal (this could be because my vitamin d is at soaring heights right now though) and the beauty of what God is doing and has done in this city will always remain.

Anyways, thanks so much to each of you who have made Portland home for me. To my in-laws, Thank you just isn't enough. Your availability, love, support, kindness, meals, generosity and care has meant more to me than I could ever express! PLEASE MOVE TOO..I will probably be saying this forever!! ;)

And just because we never do things one step at a time... it's only fitting that since we came here pregnant, we'll leave here pregnant too. We always say.. it's easier to move pregnant that with a newborn! ;) Coming this April!!

my random brain

2011-09-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

- Well folks, we are officially at the "throw random stuff in random boxes" point. It's a beautiful thing really, because it means the packing end is in sight!

- We have so much trash!! I kind of need to go find neighbors to add to their bin tomorrow! Get this-- Portland is going to only picking up trash every other week and adding some kind of compost requirement. The fact that I have now recycled for 3 years now is huge, but smelly food and 2 week old nighttime diapers is no bueno.

- I've called our little moving company 4 times. 4 times- just making sure, double checking prices, weights etc on our moving truck. Today I called and there was no trace of our reservation. Heart attack was quickly stopped when he added it back. Not cool 2 days before loading.

- I secretly think I like the organizing of moving. Maybe it's just because it's the Fall and I wish I was buying school supplies, but my cute accordion file gives me a sense of accomplishment.

- Titus is completely confused. Every time I start packing, he gets his lunch boxes and packs his underwear, toothbrush and toothpaste. He now wants to store his toothbrush/toothpaste in his metal lunch box all of the time. He also wants to hoard juice boxes, granola bars etc in his back pack for the airplane. Poor kid.

- It's football season (which I have always loved)!! Since we are leaving, it's only fitting to buy duck shirts for the fam. Sorry Beavs, I've never been a fan. Titus' shirt is his prized possession and he insists on putting it on a hanger (we don't hang his other clothes..just folded in drawers). When I wear my shirt he compliments me all day and says, "I yike your duck shirt!" It's adorable. I figure it's ok for me to like the Ducks since the Tigers will NEVER play them! Dad, can I make a request for your mex cornbread and collards PLEASE! I'll even drive down for it!! ;)

- Can I just say I'm already sick of Facebook political statuses. I know, we all have thoughts on it... we really do. It's a good thing BUT it polarizes people. The Gospel polarizes people too, but I want people to be open about my thoughts on Jesus first. If I constantly present my political views on a public domain, I think there's a good chance I will put people on the defense and shut down future conversations prematurely. I guess my point is.. choose your battles and timing. With that said, GO Palin (ok, totally kidding)!

thoughts on moving..

2011-08-30T14:49:00.000-07:00

We are almost at our 2 week mark before moving. My brain is hazy and I can hardly remember this and that. I'm not at the point where I feel panicky at all, but I am sure I have a lot to do! I think I probably need to get medical records and finish packing.. oh and buy a washer and dryer and box spring. The random makes me laugh. While I'm making a list, we probably need to put one of our cars for sale since it's not coming with (no prayers wasted here).

Ryan has 5 more days of work here in OR before his new job in NC. He has loved his unit here, but is excited to see what the new is like. We have been enjoying Portland and savoring family. It feels healthy and I feel like we are writing the last few lines in this chapter of our life.

We've struggled here, grown, cried, and experienced unmeasurable joy. We've had hard talks late into the night and have conversations that hilarity ensued. Although I came kicking and screaming.. I am leaving a different person in ways. I feel honored to have people here who have loved us so well and freely given wisdom when we needed it. I am so grateful Ryan has been able to attend Western and will be able to finish at our next destination. I am grateful for family and always offering a soft place to land. It's hard to believe that we moved here 6 months into marriage. In these 3 years I feel like we have become our own little unit.

Looking ahead I wonder what life will look like for us in NC? Will we find community and a thriving church body? Will Ryan love his new unit? What will the culture be like? Who will my friends be? I really have no idea, but I am feeling ready for the journey. Although it takes time to settle, I am asking the Lord to carve a way before us. He has shown himself so faithful while we have been here and I know he will continue to lead us in NC.

fun at the water fountain

2011-08-23T20:45:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday was free of any projects or packing. It was glorious. My goal has continually been to be very proactive with packing so that when it's time to go, I am not completely stressed out. However, we needed a break! We are moving during a great time of a year... esp in regards to enjoying Portland. I am treasuring this time before our life back east begins! We headed downtown to the Pearl district and enjoyed Jamison Square's. Titus had a blast!

diy chairs

2011-08-16T16:38:00.000-07:00

I love diy projects. I'm pretty sure my neighbors have to laugh when they see me with a can of spray paint! About a month or so ago, I was driving home and spotted a garage sale.

Random fact- Garage sales are different in Portland. I actually like the way they do them. Typically people have them on a Friday and Saturday and they don't usually start until around 9AM...and people don't seem to do the early bird thing.

Ok, so I drove by and did the.. "I'm not sure if I want to get my kid out of the car if you look like you only have junk worse than mine thing." They did have junk, but it had potential! I purchased 2 chairs for $10 total. We've needed extra seating in our living room for a while, so I though this could be perfect. After spraying the ugly wood white and using a spray polyurethane, I used my staple gun and added some fabric. I did sew part of the top to make a partial slipcover. I chose to use outdoor fabric for a thicker look (and it was on sale).

(after the spraying, still with the icky fabric)

Wahla. More projects to come. We've been up to quite a few before the big move!

Any chair refinishing happening lately for you?!

Cost break down-

chairs- 2 for $10

fabric on sale 3 yards (i purchased extra for a couch pillow)- $30

spray paint- $10

total= $50 for 2 new chairs!

oh the boxes...

2011-08-14T16:12:00.000-07:00

This has been my first experience moving with a child. I am trying to remember what it was like 3 years ago and I think my little helper definitely makes things a little more interesting. I pack 3 things and he unpacks 1. Surprising enough, we are managing pretty well (despite the toddler tantrums).

Moving is such a bittersweet thing. I am thrilled to know we won't be going into 9 months of rain, but sad knowing some of our favorite places will be so far away.

I'm thrilled to live closer to my family, but so sad about leaving another set of family. Families on opposite sides of the country leaves us perpetually torn. :(

Despite the work and boxes, we are excited to see what God has in store. Excited, and a little nervous. I wonder how we will adjust once again to a completely different culture. We will find the right house in the right area to buy? What about a church? Or friends?

In all honesty, when those questions come in my head, I try to put them away knowing God has a plan for us. I have little expectations about moving to Fayetteville.... possibly because I have never been there before. I know God has carved things out in the past for us in ways that is only him. I have no reason to doubt him now. My goal for the Fall is to take one day at a time and start putting down roots.

Interesting enough, the last time we moved the Lord continually brought this verse to my mind. Once again, he is reminding me of the same...

Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young--a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.Psalm 84:3

29 months

2011-08-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

My wild man is 29 months today. Whew. He is definitely a toddler if I've ever seen one! The boy has thoughts, opinions, and I have NO DOUBT... he will go places in this life. When I put him to bed at night, the depths of my heart begs for God to use that will for his good. What a man he will be one day!!

I must say the boy keeps me in stitches with the things he says. We have been packing up his room and have come across some baby things. With every baby thing he sees he says, "Awwww so tute (cute)." His baby cousin Emery would be included in the cuteness. We're in love.

If I ask Titus to not do something he wants to do he usually says something along the lines of,
"I need to," or "I have to." Imagine how well that goes over. He also does not hold back on saying, "I don't 'yike' (like) dat" Oh my. However, we are making progress in the manners department saying our pleases and thank yous. Next we will focus on excuse me.

His favorite things to do is to go to the park and to Grandma and Grandpa's house. He is a different kid when he can run and play outside. The boy was made for the outdoors and I try to take him out as much as I can.

He loves his 'tusins' cousins and talks about them all the time. He will be starting Mother's Morning Out in the Fall and likes to tell me he is going to school like Ella and Lizie.

He is a thin, fair skinned, blue eyed, blondish/brown haired boy that has completely stolen my heart. Last night he said, "Mommy, you 'nuggle' (snuggle) me?" I was putty in his hand at that point. Today, I bought him a shirt at Old Navy that was on sale and after he came home from Grandmas I showed him the shirt. He proceeded to say, "Awww, 'dank' you babe. I wear it every day." Since that that convo he has not stopped calling me babe. Hmm.. I wonder where he got that one!?!

His favorites include Buzz and Woody, Cars and Spiderman. He loves bandaids and thinks they are his tattoos. Lovely..thanks, Daddy. His favorite Bible story is David and Goliath. We are still working on the fact that Goliath is not the hero, but I'm sure that will come in time! He has loved singing, "He's Got the Whole World In His Hands" lately and loves to dance around the house to Pandora music.

The boy gives the best kisses and sweetest hugs, but watch out if he has a tantrum. Last, but certainly not least... the boy is potty trained (at least at this moment). Hallelujah. We still do pull-ups at naps and diapers at bedtime, but he has made big progress this month. I am not holding my breath knowing he may regress with moving, but we'll celebrate either way.

Happy 29 Months sweet boy. Your Mommy loves you to the moon and back!

Dear Portland,

2011-08-02T14:34:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe this is our last full month here. So many thoughts of excitement and sadness fill my heart as we begin the packing. Although we will be trading our Oregonian status for once again a Carolinian, I will always hold special meaning in my heart for you. I spent my newlywed years here and learned to be a mom here as well (ok, so I'm still learning, but you get the point). We jumped into seminary full fledged and learned how to trust God in a whole new way amid the long rainy winters. I learned that trusting God can look different for different people at different seasons, but my faith was put into action when we didn't have a job come through, little savings and a sweet little baby. God was faithful here despite me missing my family and longing for just one beautiful sunny day in January! We met sweet friends and watched some move away and take their first steps post seminary with grace. We learned lessons in ministry we will take with us forever.

I love your yummy food and appreciate the fact that I can put whatever article of clothing on and not have to match and totally fit in with the rest of the culture. It has been cool to live in a place where station wagons are cool, tattoos are everywhere, piercings are more common than not, and an urban farm is totally acceptable in my back yard. I also like the stark beauty of Mt. Hood and Mt. St. Helens and the active lifestyles of young and old.

Most of all, I love having my in-laws close. This will continue to be the hardest part about saying goodbye. Because we love them so much, we'll be back to visit as much as our wallet allows.

I haven't loved the overwhelming drug problem this city has which has made me nervous taking my child on walks at times. I also haven't loved your disrespect for my man in uniform. It's slightly ridiculous that he has been flicked off while driving in uniform. That's just lame and for that I say, "Get a clue." I appreciate the openness of many people here, but often wonder how that would effect raising my child here.

At times, I've felt like I was in a flavorful Italian city mixed with a rainy London. It's been fun and looking back, I am grateful for the struggles, adventures and the life we have had in SE Portland. I fully intend on soaking you up this month. I hope to cook as little as our budget will allow and enjoy all of our favorite places. I hope to take your parks by storm and spend time with the people that have made Portland home.

Love your biggest critic and fan,

Jessica

july.

2011-07-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

July has seemed long and short at the same time. I feel like we have known we were moving forever and then at the same time, it seems like yesterday. We have gone into "have lots of fun before we leave" mixed with "get lots done before we leave" mode. Seriously, I can't even remember all the projects we have to do! I decided to tackle potty training the beginning of July along with being the visionary component of Titus' big boy bed/guest bed. We also have been refinishing some furniture for our bedroom bought off Craig's List. Ryan has been working like a crazy on a 5k he is hosting. It is called The Patriot Run.

Titus and I did VBS last week and had lots of fun. I think we both know all the songs by heart by now! I loved getting to help in a class with a friend along with getting to see an awesome VBS in action. Seriously, so so so well done. Our church is not super big (over 600 weekly is my guess) and they had over 460 kids along with 160 volunteers. I love how emerged in the community Grace is and the fact is...they are reaching their community for Christ. I'll have to do a separate post on just awesome things they did. So intentional and quite genius! Titus and I also headed Lebanon, OR to visit our sweet seminary friends. We treasure the McKay family like crazy and dream about one day getting to do ministry together! Titus loves his bud, Simon too!

We then hurried off to a little camping getaway with my in-laws. We rented a cabin although it was quite rugged with no electricity or running water. We did have a propane stove and a wood burning heater thing. It was quite cozy and we had a blast. Titus loved it to say the least and we did too. Maybe I can be a nature woman when I need to be after all!

So that was July! I am trying to get on my A-game with this move. I feel slightly overwhelmed but really don't want to be so I'm just telling myself to be proactive, not stress and enjoy our time here knowing.. we'll get it all done! I am turning over a new leaf and trying to only stress about really serious things. Because in reality there will always be little things to stress about and I don't want to live stress to stress! If there isn't a really serious thing to stress about.. then I'm not stressin' (or will try really hard to not)! :)

Moving...

2011-07-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

You heard it right. The Epp Family is moving to the state of North Carolina! I can hardly believe it, and reality will really set in when the orders are in hand and the moving truck is packed. Ryan is taking an active duty Army job attached to a reserve unit. The program is called AGR.. Active Guard Reserve.

We have been praying for over a year on where God was leading us. We feel relieved to know where and I am very grateful for a stable job. For the past year after Ryan gave his painting notice, he started getting on short term orders with his unit. Sometimes these orders came through and sometimes we didn't know if they would until a couple days before.. or a week (or two) after they were suppose to start. That was really stressful for me. I feel like God has stretched me in many ways during the past season. Although he could have stayed with painting, we knew this wasn't best for our family (weather and economy wise) and for Ryan's spirit. We have seen God provide over and over for us. We have seen his active hand in our lives and I will treasure our time in Portland.

Last month we were offered a job in Little Rock, AR. I actually really like LR, but after we both prayed on it, we didn't feel peace or since that was a good fit. When we declined, we had no idea, the NC job would open and knew his orders would end September 7th. This job will be starting September 19th. This is a huge answer to prayer.

This feels pretty bittersweet. Although we have known for a while, we felt like our time here was ending, we know we will miss so much about Portland. My nose starts to sting when I think about leaving my in-laws. I want them to follow us everywhere we move. I am so grateful I have gotten the chance to live near them and grow close to them. We will also miss family that lives a few hours away along with precious friends and a great church. Portland is a fun city and I will miss the food, shopping, and parks too. Ryan has fulfilled his residency requirements and will be finishing his mdiv via distance.

Obviously, I am looking forward to more seasons and less rain. I can't believe I will get to play outside with Titus through the winter. It will be a huge blessing to hop in the car and drive to my family. This spring has left me wishing I could help out during such stressful times at home. Maybe Titus will even get an accent?! I am thankful a big city is near when I need a fix.

Tonight, I am thinking about how Ryan has told me over and over...

"One day Jess, I'll get you back to the south... just give us a few years in Portland." We are praising God for this new adventure...

Thrilling Thursday.

2011-06-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, it was a thrilling thursday. Here is my day in randomness.

1. I woke up, fed Titus, and we played.
2. I put on my cool hat because I didn't wash my hair. Mom trick #201
3. I did bill stuff. woo hoo.
4. I sold a stroller on Craig's list double what we bought it for thank you to an REI sale. Our profit paid for the stroller we kept for ourselves. This doesn't happen everyday.
5. We went to Home Depot and I taught Titus ~~in the car in the parking lo~~t how to use our porter-kids-potty standing up while using the magic pocket in his underoos. Oh my.
6. Naptime for T.
7. Dinner time eating kids meals at the Nordstrom Cafe. My fav, and yes I get a kids meal every time. Partially to save money, partially because it's just so good. Ryan is working a side job and it has been a long week for this Mommy and Daddy so a date with my boy was just what I needed.
8. We spent at least 10 minutes in the public restroom at the mall trying to get T to potty standing up. He was getting so distracted with all the sounds but was in awe of trying there. At one point I thought to myself, "Who am I and when did I become a mother?!"
9. We went to Wal-Mart and this older woman in an aisle stopped me and asked me to scratch her back. She said she couldn't get this one spot. I scratched it for a good little while. I was kind of dying wondering what in the world was happening. Am I really scratching this old ladies back?! Once I was in the car, I had a good laugh.
10. Bed time and I treated myself to the new People Magazine (after scratching home-grandmas back). I just needed to find out why Brad and Emily broke up. It's the little things peeps..

oh brother where art thou...

2011-06-26T14:42:00.000-07:00

I got my sewing machine a year ago from my sweet husband. It was an unexpected surprise off Craig's List. I had wanted a really basic and cheap sewing machine to see if there was any hope for me in the DIY department. Well... it's been an interesting adventure. The old singer.. aka big Bertha has given me grief. It's kind of like a runaway train. I was baffled how people could sew straight lines and follow around curves without bunching tons of thread. This week I started a little project for another sister. It was a sad day with Big Bertha. She was large-and-in-charge and did not want to follow my guiding. I was so fed up, my husband gave me the green light to move up. Big Bertha will go on Craig's List.

Meet Oh Brother. It's divine and we have become bffs. The rest of my project was drastically different than the first part (thanks for your understanding, sis). It doesn't bunch thread and it paces me instead of the runaway sewing machine effect. Oh Happy Day! I also figured out some major user error on my part and I can now follow a little better when sending the fabric through the right way! I'm dreaming of projects and straight lines.

big boy room

2011-06-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

Amidst the crazy of life in SC I have tried to stay busy here (mainly for my sanity). I've been working on getting things together for Titus' big boy room. I am hoping to have a storage container of everything for his room. That way, when I'm ready all I have to do is open the box and take things out. The look I am going for is a rustic cowboy says hello to retro vintage. I'm thinking of painting the room a bluish color. I think the color I've picked is Robin's egg blue by Benjamin Moore.

I made these pillows. They aren't perfect, but according to Ryan are better than my last attempt at pillows. I failed miserably on those!

The first few things I have gotten are T's. I made the room in the middle with rope type stuff. Thanks to a 50% off coupon at Joann's this was a great deal!

This is a little cluster of fabric/mirror circles I made with scrap fabric.

a little pennant banner.

These knobs will go on Titus' dresser we are re-finishing.

Of course, Woody will be there too. Ryan and I (mostly him) will be attempting to build a bed. We shall see how that one goes! So there's the vision for his room. I'll let you know how the end result turns out. Hopefully, he will still like the things above when he finally gets in it!

Happy Father's Day 2011

2011-06-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day to the Dads in my life. When I think of Jack Moore, sacrifice and love comes to mind. This man was such a good Dad to us girls. He continually gives so much of himself to others. When my brother-in-law, Kevin, got hit my Dad left as quick as possible to get to the accident. He couldn't get close so he started running down the street to get to him. He did and stayed with him. It makes me cry to think about that. What a man. What a mighty good man!

My Father-in-Law is also awesome. He has raised a great son and loves us so well. I am so grateful that every time I leave or get off the phone... he tells me he loves me. I often think I should take notes on how to love my future children-in-laws for my own sake. I think the key is that they reached out to me and accepted me as I am (my imperfections and all). I love to play cards with him and appreciate his humor. I often ~~beg~~ tell him if we move, they're coming too. ;) If only!

My husband is a great Daddy. He loves our little guy like crazy. He is so good to play with him and love on him. I am so thankful Titus has a Daddy to portray Biblical manhood. When I was dating Ryan I asked him a random question, "Ryan would you die for me." He looked at me and without thinking said, "Jessica, I'd die for a stranger." This is Ryan's heart. One of sacrifice for the betterment of others, and is played out over and over from his hard work ethic, to his service in the army, to loving his family.

Happy Father's Day to all!

titus-isms

2011-06-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

I just finished a Shutterfly album the other day and it reminded me that I need to get back on the blogging boat. Since my memory is like the size of a pea these days, it's helpful! Titus and I have spent A LOT of quality time together lately (with traveling and Ryan working a little later some evenings) and the other day I thought to myself... I really like my kid. Of course of love him, but this kid is hilarious, sweet, loves people, and has just got it. I like being around him... which is a good thing because there is about 3 hours a week that we are not within a few feet of each other! Mark it down, Titus, you got it boy! So now that he has reached the whopping 27 month mark...

Titus..

-loves Woody and Buzz. He tries to fly like Buzz and ride his horse like Woody. He loves their bandaids too. On any given day, he may have a couple of bandaids on. Not because he has a scratch. No not one. Just because he loves him some "bandens."

-loves being outside and going to the park. The other day we were at the park along with a little daycare in our neighborhood. Titus saw all the kids and yelled with pure excitement, "MY FRIENDS." No, he didn't know a single one, but was ready for a little meet-n-greet.

-love his chickens. Oh my. Still.

-pooped in the potty. He was so proud and begs me to wear his pull-ups or underwear "undware." The same day he pooped in the underwear too. Good times.

Titus says...

- "get me outta here." I have one guess on where he learned that. ;)

-"where daddy do?" Every morning when he wakes up and Ryan is at work. Last week he told me he was in the living room. Ha!

-this morning he took his diaper off and told me he pooped and "it stinks." Nop, the diaper was completely dry.

-"rub my back." "RUB MY BACK." We I have cut him off from rocking (thanks Ryan for starting that when he turned 1 purely out of wanting to snuggle ;) and now he wants his back rubbed. He gets a few songs worth and then it's big boy sleep time! I told him when we move the cheap Craig's List rocker can't come so we've started early.

-When we pull into the church parking lot he starts saying, "mommy, me, mommy, me." Poor kid, I know he wants me to go in his class with him. The glued to me thing is in full swing these days.

It's fun to get to have little conversations together and hear what's going on in that little mind!

(his friends were strategically placed on his own)

Titus sings...

-all the time. His fav place to sing is in the car while we are driving and his favorite song of late is "God our Father." He learned this from his cousin.

(bluegrass anyone?)

I love you T!

no sew banner.

2011-06-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

I wanted to summerfy our house. Granted, 6 days out of the week we are in jeans and a longsleeve, so the need was great. Insert a desire to scream combined with a prayer. In reality, the weather isn't that big of a deal.. so much bigger things in life to be bothered by AND we did have some sun this week. Just different the the climate I grew up with and love.

Anyho. I got to making a little pennant banner with heat-n-bond and no sew seam tape. I'm a mean ironer these days, and thankfully, I didn't wake my kid up from his nap with my large-and-in-charge sewing machine! I also have been working on his big boy room and made a little banner for that too. Yee haw.

So here's my fun fabric kitchen banner! Yay for wishing for warm weather and eating popsicles. I'd say being tan too, but this Jergens tanner will just have to do on that one!

herbs.

2011-06-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

When I got back from Charleston, a few things were on my agenda. I knew this would be good for me to get busy once home. When I return from visiting I'm usually very happy to be together as a family again, but after a few days I miss home like crazy. This has been a crazy spring for my family of origin. I've wanted nothing more than to be at home and help so a trip home was really good for me!

My first goal was to plant an herb garden. I love cooking with fresh herbs in the summer, but it just seems unless I'm planning well, I never have exactly what I need on hand. I love the spontaneity an herb garden provides. I went with the pots and got Italian parsley, mint, basil, rosemary, oregano, and cilantro. With our fresh eggs and herb garden, I feel like I live on a mini farm in the middle of the city! We've decided to close up the bigger garden and replant grass in prep to move so this will be the extent of our plants this year (except for a potted zucchini plant). My fav fresh herb recipes to come!

charleston

2011-05-27T05:21:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I was slightly bummed Ryan would be leaving for a couple weeks of Army training. Unexpectedly, my parents offered some skymiles to Titus and I and I headed home a few days later. I surprised both of my sisters, which was fun! I have really enjoyed being able to help my sister while she is on bed rest (sit down, Julie). I have also loved getting to see everyone else, their Awana and church musicals and spending time with my parents. Although, all the kids have been sick I am hoping we are all on the mend. Yesterday, we took Julie's girls to the doctors, Titus was sick (and went to the Dr. the day before) and I had a sty in my eye. The one on bed rest was doing pretty well! Her awesome doctor helped everyone! Thank God for doctors like that!!

It's been nice to be together while all the sisters are in transition!! The sun has been so nice too. I was made for this place. When I come home I wonder how on earth my husband got me to leave here. ;) The Epps are diligently praying and hoping in the next few weeks.. we'll know where and when our next home will be.

The bummer is that I have not taken one single picture. Gotta get on that....

Salt Lake City

2011-05-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

Two weekends ago Ryan and I flew out for an Army Strong Bonds Event. Basically, the Chaplains put on a marriage retreat and the Army foots the bill. They have other events for single soldiers and families, but we went to the marriage one. We were pleasantly surprised and enjoyed our time away in a new and beautiful city together! It was also neat to sit a table for the entire weekend with a Commander in Ryan's brigade and the full bird Colonel and his wife of Ryan's brigade. I was encouraged to see their value on their own marriages! They gave Ryan some military career advice and we found that very helpful in making upcoming decisions from a high ranking perspective.

Although we missed Titus a ton, a break was really nice! Each night we went out to eat and that was fun too! We also toured the Mormon Temple. The grounds were immaculate complete with a guest center, reception halls, a chapel and high rise buildings where LDS is headquartered. If I'm honest, I'd say we stuck out like a sore thumb, but I am gad we checked it out. Our last day before we flew out, we drove up into some residential parts and found a trail. We got to see some great views of the city as well. It was a fun weekend! :)

number 10.

2011-05-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

Number 10 has left my stomach in multiple knots for the past couple of weeks. At a marriage conference this past weekend, I reaffirmed what I already knew about myself in some little personality test. I am a creature of habit. I like to be organized and planned. This can be my best and worst asset. What we didn't know was that Ryan and I have almost identical personalities except for one thing... he is big picture and I am details. We get each other which can be our best and worst asset too!! :)

Back to number 10. We are praying, praying, PRAYING that Ryan's last set (hopefully) of proposed orders come through. This is huge. The details don't mean much to the blogosphere but we need this to come through. The other part is that....

at this point there are 4 different states we could possibly be residing in 4 months from now (or sooner... or later). F-O-U-R. One would be here, but 3 others are definite possibilities.

Imagine what this does to a planner?! I've pictured us in all those states. I'm ~~good with it and~~ trusting in the Lord's perfect timing. It's usually a continual affirmation that goes something like this when I start to freak ~~and call my husband and ask a million questions of things he doesn't know~~

..... "Lord you are good... your plans are perfect.. and your right on time... I trust you, God. I'm choosing to trust you, God."

The other part is that these 4 different states span the entire US from out west to Midwest to east coast. Nothing like a little ~~adventure~~ move for the Epps.

april at glance.

2011-04-25T16:22:00.000-07:00

1. On April fools day, I actually thought it was a joke it's April and have thought it was February the remainder of the month (not literally, but I can't seem to get the month right in my mind).

2. Celebrated Ryan's 28th Birthday and my sister-in-law's baby (coming in June).

3. Ryan spent many days, hours, nights doing HOMEWORK. The end of the semester blues were in full swing.

4. Ryan's orders for the summer were rejected, now submitted, and now a lot of waiting happening amidst lots of prayers.

5. My sister and her little man, Eli, had a big surgery. This had me attached to my phone and stomach in knots. Praise Jesus it went great and she is now recovering.

6. I finished an awesome bible study on Living with Unmet Desires. It was a great study, but the women there were greater. Jewels.

7. I've wrestled through the rain this spring with an active 2 year old. It's been a struggle but God has been faithful.

8. We got chickens. We love them. Well, Ryan and Titus do and I support them and hope I don't have to hold one. (Remember, I'm not a bird fan). Sounds like a logical thing to do amidst end of semester crazy right? Meet Barbara, Eleanor and Dolly. They belong to the first wives' club and our future dog (once we buy our own place) will represent MO (where Ryan grew up) and will be fondly called, Truman.

9. We spend Easter in Bend, OR. It was beautiful and we loved seeing family despite being tanked from life! Bend (in my opinion) is like an outdoorsy, high desert, sunny, craftsman style town with local classy color. I think it would be a great place to live!!

-Number 10 will have to wait a couple days until we get some news (no, I'm not pregnant). Stay tuned.

28.

2011-04-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to my best friend, source of reason, servant husband, and love of my life. He's 28 today. That just seems entirely close to 30 in my book! (Insert-- thoughts of a sweet 30th, or vacation infiltrate my head).

Ryan is just a good ole' guy. He loves Jesus, loves me, does good to others, isn't rude and his favorite times of the day are when he is playing with Titus.. or snuggling with me! He is a family man and was ready for another baby the night Titus started sleeping through the night (easy for him, not me). He is a hard worker and manages to handle a lot in order to take care of our family. He is passionate and generous. He is one smart cookie and I am constantly amazed at his giftedness when it comes to writing. He isn't perfect, but I love who he's "been becoming."

Ry, I see your hard work and dedication and although I don't thank you enough, I am so grateful. Thanks for picking me to journey through life with!! I love you so much and so does our little boy. If you can't tell, he wants to be just like you..

Happy Birthday!!

Love, Jess

a blessing to my heart...

2011-04-08T15:03:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks we have seen the tantrums come out. It's such a strange phenomenon when it happens in public. I kind of freeze and start thinking... I can't believe this is happening to me and MY child is the culprit. We've had pep talks on how to have self control instead of falling to the floor and wailing with a good few kicks. Gee, what a thought?!

I've ignored it too. It's hard to ignore, but I know it's just a stage and a part of being 2. I try hard to just let it roll off my back and laugh in my mind (not to him) about what must be going on in other people's minds. Sometimes I start to sweat, get flustered and feel my face turn red. I'm sure not all kids go through this, but if I can remember my own tantrums.. there's a good chance I will endure them with my own kids!

Today, the sun came up and we met a sweet friend for lunch. THE SUN CAME UP. I thought to myself, I can handle lots of tantrums today if the sun stays too! Instead, at lunch my sweet boy looked at me and unprompted said, "I yov (love) you."

Oh heavens, my love tank just shot to the sky. Then, after lunch I put him in his car seat and gave him a kiss. He then said, "hug too" and wrapped his little arms around my neck and gave me a big hug?

What a sweet little blessing for my mama heart.

Miscellany Monday

2011-04-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

1. It's the end of Ryan's semester. This means he goes into major finishing mode and I naturally go into single mom mode. No, not ideal forever, but a necessity right now. He still does manage to have some time to play with Titus despite the crazy. Semesters fly by. This can be good and bad! :)

2. Don't be fooled by the pic above. It's not spring here. Even the Portlanders are like, why so much rain? I feel bad for my kid. Or maybe me because he doesn't know the difference except when he visits family. Not really actually. We are grateful (for other things) and know that God is teaching us a lot in this season.

3. The terrible 2's are no joke. See that face? It's the face of a kid with his own agenda. The hopeful mom in me knows it means.. LEADER!!! So completely adorable and hilarious, but the tantrums leaving me almost laughing/annoyed. What do you do when your kid doesn't want to take naps and throws tantrums? My husband didn't quite understand why last week was so hard until he was home all weekend. Despite the 2's I wouldn't trade him for the world.

4. My husband gets to go to Orlando, FL on business. I actually thought about going too and taking T to Disney (thanks to sweet military deals), but then I realized we'd have to book 2 flights (for T and I) and going to Disney with a 2 year old by myself during Spring breaks shuts that down. FOR SURE.

new centerpiece

2011-04-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

I've been begging spring to come. Granted, there is way way more important things in life than the weather, but this time of year, I long for pretty days. Today, we are getting some sun. Sun and warm weather is probably left best for the motherland, but I'll take the absence of rain any day!

So.. I've been decorating a little inside with spring things (see bird post below). My next challenge was this little centerpiece thing. I borrowed the idea from a blog that I can't remember. So sorry, thanks for the idea!! They probably borrowed it too. Life is full of borrowed ideas, right.

Titus and I set out for our local thrift store and score all the things above for under $10. With my el cheapo glue gun, we assembled after a quick run through the dishwasher. I was going for a shabby/vintage look and will hopefully use this for a dessert baby shower this month! In the meantime, I'll enjoy my new centerpiece while my husband calls me a "crafter." Not sure if it's a compliment, but it kinda makes me think I should put on mom jeans too.

barnyard bash 2011.

2011-03-30T08:46:00.000-07:00

After our anniversary, we began celebrating Titus' birthday. He got it this year and began asking for cake 10 days before his birthday! He also would start singing "Happy Birthday" to himself all throughout the week. It was so so much fun to celebrate his 2nd Birthdaythis year.

In December while visiting my parents, Titus discovered his love for cowboys and horses with my Dad. They watched old westerns each night. On the way back (while being stuck in WI) I noticed adorable felt barns in the dollar section at Target. I then decided a Barnyard Bash was in order!

My awesome sister shared graphics, invites, and fabric from her daughter's party too so we had a ton of stuff for the festivities. Each year I look forward to his party.. esp the planning! I know he won't always want cupcake toppers and a party at home, so I am embracing this season. We had a waterin' hole, pigs in a blanket, haystacks, chicken feed, farm fresh egg quiche, Titus' garden, chicken wings, cowtails and cupcakes. Thanks to the blog world for the borrowed ideas!

Ryan got involved and built Titus a barn in the computer room out of a fridge box. He loves it and it is still in there. Hopefully, it will be going to

the basement soon, but his favorite thing is for us to get in the barn with him! What a good Daddy!!!

Our basement was turned into extra play space...

buds!

Simon, the cowboy!

Our house was full and we felt so blessed for the great friends and family that came to celebrate our boy!!

put a bird on it.

2011-03-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

I am SO not a bird person. They creep me out, really. I celebrate you bird lovers out there. I'm so glad some people love them. I wanted a dog as a kid and my parents bought me a bird named Petey. I did not like Petey and we gave him away. We also learned Petey wasn't a boy, but a girl. I guess that doesn't excuse the lame name though! Then we got a dog.

However, since I live in Portland it only seems fitting to decorate with birds. See below.

If you only knew how accurate Portlandia was....

So.. back to putting birds on things but not liking them in "real life." I wanted to spring up my bathroom and found this for my inspiration (the bird hand towel).

then I took this and

painted it to this... The mirror above hung in my sister's room for years, however I managed to get it, but the black lines were coming off since it was in our bathroom. No worries, I just scraped it right off!

Then of course, I found some birds, but wanted them to match and look less modern so they went from silver to this...

Then, I added some new mats from Homegoods and filled my apocathary jar with eggs I had and painted this little table and stool "just because."

New bathroom for $50?! Yes, please! :)

thankful for mundane tasks.

2011-03-23T15:06:00.000-07:00

My two least favorite chores include

1. going grocery shopping and

2. folding laundry and putting it away.

I really don't understand why I hate both of those. I used to really not like cleaning the bathroom, but decided it's not as bad as the above! Ryan actually agreed to go grocery shopping for me during my birthday week, but let's be honest... I stay at home. He goes to school, work and does a drill weekend each month. After just picking up things here and there, Titus and I did a big grocery trip today. The bad part is that I forgot his healthy eggs that he eats each morning. Clearly, a big deal right(insert sarcasm)!?

I actually felt sorry for myself. I know, I'm pathetic, but with a 2 yr old fussing most of the way in one grocery store when we have 2 to go to, I start stressing... and sweating!

And then I remembered 2 pics I saw at church Sunday.

http://www.blog.allseasons-homecare.com

http://www.japanearthquakepictures.com/

In a second, I got over my pity party and thanked God for the gift of food to buy at a grocery store. The 10 minute line I had to wait in does not compare at all to what many Japanese are facing.

Hello, reality check. I'm thankful now!

my favs on my twenty-fifth.

2011-03-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

So does 25 mean mid-twenties? I hope not, because I really love being a spring chicken. Although, I am 25, I feel like most days I am around 22. The past 3 years have seemed like a blur in some ways. But a really good blur, but moving at warp speed!!

My favorite things (at the moment) of course include my fabulous family and friends, but at twenty five.. I love..

1. The idea of...

settling down in one place we love. Owning my own home and putting sweat equity into something. I love the idea of yard work on a Saturday or laying tile on a Friday night with my man! I know it's the American dream which parts of me wants to rebel against, but the settling in one place that we love sounds like something we'd enjoy! However, home is where we are..togther..and I feel the truth surrounding that each day. I could be way more specific here but in an effort to be content.. I'll leave at that.

2. The hope of...

Jesus. Seriously, I can't imagine the lack of purpose and joy without him. I know it sounds so cliche' and sunday school like answer, but his redemptive work in my life is a gift. Everyday.

3. The joy of...

motherhood is beyond my wildest dreams. It's no secret it is hard work and exhausting, but is amazing. As hard as it is, I find nothing more fulfilling. Have I mentioned that it is really hard some days?! :)

4. The love of..

my husband shows Jesus to me. While he will be the first to admit he is not perfect, I see his sacrifical love for me each day in some way. I definitley love him more today than the day I married him.

5. The gift of...

my new camera lens makes me verrry excited (it couldn't all be sentemental.. just keeping it real). It's safe to say I've been drooling over this for over a year and my man got it for me. You can watch and see if my pics look any less "homemade." Although many things look awesome "homemade" I have an a sweet knack for flops! ;)

I'll leave you with my fav pictures of the year ..

uhhh...

...not that one..

technical difficulties...

2011-03-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

so I'm not sure what happened but the praying for eli button was redirecting to my flickr account! Boo.. because it went to Julie's blog before.. so I thought!

Also.. jessicaepp.com is some weird music download again. I probably need to re-up on the name, but instead I switched back to www.ryanandjessicaepp.blogspot.com

so complicated!! :)

Thanks and after playgroup I'll fix the issues.. or try! :)

two.

2011-03-14T11:23:00.002-07:00

I have a two year old who is (at this moment) running in circles around the vacuum in his diaper dancing with Hillsong United blasting in the background. Now he is on the floor trying some break dancing. It's a sight for this over anxious mom in the midst of really heart wrenching and stressful week in our family.

Titus is every bit of two. He is fiercely independent, but also compassionate and caring. If someone is crying, he is concerned and the first to suggest we "tiss it" (kiss it). Ye

s, it's safe to say, he firmly believes kissing boo boos makes them all better. I wish it were true.

He wants to do things by himself. He usually says, "no, ty ty do it." This

can be quite interesting. No question on his birth order here.

He sings all day long and especially at night in his crib. Yesterday, 1 1/2 h

ours after we put him down we heard his little voice singing to his "anmals." This doesn't happen every night, but the kid loves to sing and try to count. It usually goes "1, 2, 8." He is so proud though so we just cheer and tell him how smart he is!!

We tried potty training. He did really well with just an accident a day except

for nap times and bed time when he wore pull-ups. After the week, I was beyond exhausted and he started not wanting to go on his potty. I decided we will re-visit this in a couple of months. He is still little and I didn't want to force it.

He did say goodbye to his pacis by "mailing them to the new babies at the hospital." He cried and cried when we put them in the bag and wanted to check the mailbox just to see if they were really gone. It was a little traumatizing for us both, but I'm so proud of him. After he said "bye" bedtime and nap times were relatively easy. Much easier than I expected.

We partied our hearts out this weekend. He woke up wanting "more happy" on Sunday. I'll post more on his party later, but planning birthday parties for my kid is one of my most favorite things. I'm having a hay day with it while he is little knowing when he is 16, he probably won't want a banner and a cardboard barn.

Titus is long and lean. He is in the 90th percentile on height and def less on weight. The doctor was not concerned because he has been consistent. Her prediction is that he will be over 6ft. Go figure since I'm 5 ft 2 on a good day and Ryan is below 6 ft!

Oh my Ty Ty,

You are so so loved and a joy to your parents. You make us laugh and when we aren't with you, you are the center of our conversation. We pray we can raise you in the love and knowledge of Christ so that one day, you will follow him with reckless abandon. Please give us grace, we are still newbies and can never live up to the perfect parent we long to be.

Happy 2nd Birthday!

-Mommy and Daddy

life.

2011-03-10T13:13:00.000-08:00

(taken the day Julie found out she was pregnant)

Life. It can be so heavy, can't it? 3 days ago, the biggest thought in my mind was if my sister was going to have a boy or a girl. 3 days later, she and her family are facing huge news and big decisions. The whys flooded my brain within 5 seconds of hearing my mom say something was wrong. I knew something was when I heard my mom say, "jess."

It brought me back to waiting 5 1/2 years ago when I was in Greece for a semester abroad. I waited on my international cell phone to hear if she was having a girl or boy. The news that Samuel would not live past birth was received with a punch in my stomach. Now, as a mom I "get things" on a whole new level. It's not that I am better than non-moms but it's just that I understand how crazy moms feel about their children. It's a love I've never experienced before and a love I could never have anticipated.

I know for certain, Eli will be celebrated and loved. I pray our family will rally around my sis and bro-in-law. We will cheer him on and pray endlessly for God to do more than we could ever imagine. I know he could not have been chosen for better parents. Parents that will do anything and everything to raise him in the love, grace and knowledge of Jesus.

Titus will be the closest-in-age-boy-cousin to Eli and I am praying that God will give them a special relationship. We have been working on his name with T, and I am enjoying getting into auntie mode.

Please pray for sweet Eli and his family. My sis and bro have lots of research, decisions, doctor calls etc etc to make. We love you.. baby Giordano number 4!!! You can follow her blog here.

she's one of my favorites.

2011-03-02T20:25:00.000-08:00

Does that count? A person. I think without a doubt, my mom has got to be one of my favorite people. I'm probably not suppose to have favorites, but I assure you, the list has more than one!

I long to one day have a daughter to be what she has been to me. A blessing. Of course, hopefully I can be that whether I eventually have girls or just my boys! Seriously, you would love her too.

My mom is itty bitty petite and is as meek as a lamb. She is quiet and has learned the art of holding her tongue. Her life reflects Jesus and her love for him is deep. She loves her children and grandchildren, but understands her first obligation is to the Lord and then, my Dad. What a blessing to have that modeled to me! She goes out of her way to help people and has a heart for what seems like the whole world. She teaches 5 year olds at school, teaches women in Sunday School, volunteers at a crisis pregnancy center and goes to her weekly missions meetings for her yearly overseas missions trip. It's not about her works though. This is just an outpouring of her heart!

Does that sound like Mother Teresa or what!? My Dad often says He knows people have to treat her well because if he even looks at her wrong, he feels chastisement from the Lord!

Even though I'm far away, I feel really close to my Mom. I am also grateful that Titus is close to her and my Dad. He loves them, knows them and talks about them all of the time! I am so blessed that we can connect on a friendship level, but also a spiritual level. She challenges me in my walk with God, and my greatest hope in our relationship is that I can be a blessing to her!

I love you, Mom... Happy Birthday!

march is my favorite.

2011-03-01T12:00:00.001-08:00

I love March. My anniversary, my mom's birthday, my son's birthday and my birthday along with some other very special family members. You might be thinking March leaves us broke, but I'd say it leaves our love tank filled! It's really a month of celebrating. I started decorating today and I hope our house looks like a party the whole month. Since it's my favorite month, I'll share some fav things this month.

The first is the song My Beloved by Kari Jobe. It's just beautiful. If I was having a wedding today, I'd have this song played to mirror the marriage of Christ and his bride. Since I'm celebrating 3 years, I'll just play it a lot! :)

You're My Beloved

You're My Bride

To sing over you is My delight

Come away with Me My love

You're Beautiful to Me

So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy

Come and wait

Till we are standing face to face

I see no stain on you

My child

You're Beautiful to Me

So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace

Cast all your care down at My feet

Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you

I'll bear you up on eagle's wings

And hide you in the shadow of My strength

I'll take you to My quiet waters

I'll restore your soul

Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved

You're My Bride

To sing over you is my delight

Come away with me my love

the grass is green here.

2011-02-28T10:18:00.000-08:00

I had written this post about blooming where I am planted and embracing life wherever I am located. This was on Monday when I had a fill of sunshine and family. It seemed so simple.

Tuesday our world came to a screeching halt hearing that there was a high chance Ryan would leave in a few months for a very dangerous place in the middle east. I was riddled with anxiety as I thought about how this would effect our plans and dreams. I even thought about the worst and the what ifs surrounding war. My simple blooming took new meaning. It looked like me saying, "Jesus, be close... walk with us.. I don't care where we are... what we do.. just go with us..wherever...south, sunshine or not." I felt challenged when I looked at other's lives. It seemed the grass was so green on their side. What lies from Satan.

By Wednesday evening, we learned this would most likely (basically, I'd say 100% but it's the military and I understand that) not be happening. For our family, we chose to not talk about this until we knew for sure to decrease worry on their part so this may be a surprise reading this post.

By Saturday I was on a plane with a toddler. Sunday brought re-grouping.

Monday, rain and snow.

Tuesday will be an anniversary. As I look back and ahead I see God's faithfulness. Whether it's moving or trying to embrace and grow in a place far from home. Or war. Or job questions. If we want God to go with us, sustain us, and make us like him.. he will. It just might not be a walk in the park.

The first of the year, I asked God to direct my heart to a verse for the year. This verse has literally appeared in my heart, in songs, etc all over the place. I wasn't exactly excited about it, because I figured it would mean a journey. Instead of fearing the journey, I long to trust God.

So I'm believing that if he's worth anything... it's everything. I'm believing the grass is green here and God sees the big picture. I believe it's great to ask God for our desires, but understand he stands outside of time. Here's to the journey and many more years of trusting, not leaning on our own, acknowledging and him directing.

Happy 3 years of marriage Ryan!

happy love day!

2011-02-13T21:53:00.000-08:00

23 months.

2011-02-11T10:54:00.000-08:00

Gasp. 23 months is here, which means I almost have a 2 year old!! Despite the challenges, this is an adorable age! Titus can be found dancing, talking on his pretend phone (aka a mini ramp from his car garage), riding his horse like a wild cowboy, and playing cars. He has really taken to the whole "play cars" thing. As soon as Ryan gets home he is ready to pounce on him and beg him to play cars. I try throughout the day to play with him, but I'm not the greatest on the boy games (I try). I guess if I make strange car noises and drive them around he's happy!

Titus has progressed in telling us what he wants. Heavens, has he ever. The boy knows what he wants! He prefers eggs (eg), TJ's waffles (wafl) and yogurt (yoyo) as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning!! He also tells me what songs to sing at nap time/bedtime. I don't take it personally that he will start saying "noo" in the middle if he wants a new song! ha! His favorites these days include "and Jesus grew", "Old McDonald", and "Twinkle Twinkle." I am scared to say that he is doing a better job listening and sharing, but he has the past couple of weeks. It could change on a dime though. I think that's just how 2 year olds are, but I'm ok with that.

Ty is tall. Not sure where that comes from, but according to the 2 year old prediction test at 23 months, he will be 6 ft. 3 in. I'm thinking he will probably be close to 6ft. His weight is not on the bigger side. He usually holds at the 25th percentile. Whopper Jr! :) He wears a size 2T is most things. Thanks to the adjustable waist, he doesn't have high-waters!

I've started working on his barnyard bash next month. I LOVE LOVE LOVE planning his birthdays!! He is inviting a few friends and since our house is smaller, I am attempting to build a play-barn in our computer room for the kids to play in. It's fun that this year, he is excited about it and talks about Happy Yo (his horse birthday party).

Ok, thanks to the family members who finished reading this! Ha.

Rookie Mom Wednesday

2011-02-02T14:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night may have taken the cake on terrible 2's. I won't go into details, but Titus was so so so defiant. Direct disobedience at it's best. Ryan and I both looked at each other and said, "wow, he is SO stubborn." I say that with a grain of salt because he really has the most charming little personality (I'm his mom and probably biased).

Anyways, he ended up going to bed at 5:30 PM without tears. He didn't have a nap yesterday, which was his choice, so I guess there was other factors helping. I was mom-tanked. I guess it's relative because during naughtiness, I had to leave the room because it was making me laugh. Mom of the year, right here. Thankfully, Daddy was overseeing too.

Back to mom-tanked. I had been challenged in bible study that morning to incorporate Jesus throughout our day. Not just in the big things, but small thing too. Whether it be in what Titus watches on t.v to what he hears playing in the car. Not in a "judgemental, we don't let our kid do that" kind of way, but in a let's encourage great stuff from the start and give him an appetite for the things of the Lord. After last night, it was time to think of some practical ways to do this.

My mind went straight to God's word. Scripture memory is something I want Titus to love. We will make a big deal out of it. BUT, I thought yesterday about how this starts now. Why wait?! We started today continuing to work on a simple verse.

God is love. 1 John 4:8

I also found some(oh so cheesy) songs on itunes. I downloaded Steve Green's Hide 'em Your heart cd. I like it because it's all bible verses. We listen to worship music a lot, but he is not nearly as interested as this kid-bubbly music.

Here's the funny part. Playing it this morning, I knew EVERY song word-for-word. I then remembered my parents had this same tape. It was made in 1990. Hmm.. that explains a lot.

Titus LOVED it!

This morning we started after breakfast with our new cd and I was happy to see my little man dancing and happy to start the day.

I'd love anymore practical tips you may use with your kiddos throughout your day... help this newbie!

miscellany monday

2011-01-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

it's monday and a perfect day to link up with carissa at lowercase letters.

(1)

We went to Chipotle for lunch yesterday and I was getting Titus a kids meal this time (he usually just get a side of rice and beans with cheese). I asked the cash girl if their milk was whole or 2%. The girl looked at me and said it's organic. I tried to rephrase the question and she got the milk looked at it and said "IT's JUST ORGANIC" like she was annoyed. I was nice the whole time and just got the "only organic milk." It was 1% and we had a good laugh at our table.

My advice to her (that I didn't say), "stay in school and don't get pregnant anytime soon."

(2)

Speaking of "organic." Can I just tell you a pet peeve? It's not that I am in a bad mood or anything today, but it fits and I find this so annoying. I have no idea why this annoys me but when people use the word organic not talking about no pestisides or antibiotics it drives me batty. For instance someone is talking about church and says, "yea, our worship at church is just really organic." I guess this means not a lot of extra stuff, but it's like they want to say simple, but "be with the times and make it cool." It's usually an older guy trying too hard that I've heard say this. It would be like a parent saying the word "phat" when it was cool. Somethings don't work.

All I want to ask back (but I refrain from trying to be a smarty) is, "so did that worship get a usda stamp of approval?"

(3)

Titus has 2 more sets of teeth that need to come in. Although he is probably a bit more grumpy when he is teething, I heard horror stories and teething wasn't as bad as I imagined. Just like with sleeping... I thought I'd never sleep again after I had a kid, but I do. I think the maddness must start to happen with more kids, or more challenging kid sleepers. I guess I'll just be thankful and get my extra zz's now.

(4)

I love my husband. We can seriously drive each other crazy, but I can see so much humble growth in both of our lives since day 1. Yesterday morning before church, he got up with Titus, let me sleep in, got him breakfast and did the dishes. This isn't abnormal. He's a great help to me. We have had so many unknowns in our marriage with jobs etc. God has been faithful, but there have been some nail biting days. This week is one. We have found that being on each other's team is a good thing.

(5)

The health and wealth gospel makes me want to vomit. Few things give me that much repulse in my stomach like this does. It's the belief that "if you follow Jesus, everything will be good, easy etc." I feel like my radar is off I can see in my own life how this so deceptively slips in. What a comfort to know God is actively redeeming the bad and he is enough for the unknown and hard situations. Piper has some thoughts about this.. below.

Rookie Mom Wednesday... on Friday

2011-01-18T14:47:00.000-08:00

My favs for the moment as a SAHM

1. Snack traps. This is great for snacks on the run. Hurry to Target, bc they have the cheapo version in their dollar section right now!

2. Meyers All purpose spray. While lemon verbena is great, basil scent is my fav. It makes me excited about cleaning and leaves my house smelling fresh. It's also non-toxic in case my child decides to lickthe counters. In all reality, I like the non-toxic thing for using on his high chair.

3. This sandwich. It's a homemade Jessica knock-off from a local bakery. I spread some cream cheese on toast, add a tiny bit of cranberry sauce and some dried cranberries along with turkey and fresh greens. It's a filling and yummy. I get so sick of lunch food, this spiced things up for me.

4. This recipe. Coconut Chicken! It's easy and Titus loved it. Instead of the orange marmelade dipping sauce (with honey), I used apricot jam and added a little water. Thanks blog-friend-lady-that-I-don't-know!

5. Reading. It's so nice to transport myself some evenings while Ry does homework. I'm reading Redeeming Love right now and it's actually in the slow part. I've heard it's the best book ever so will keep trucking along! I'm also reading Ann Voskamp's book that arrived yesterday. So good. I'd love to be at the point in life where I don't read five books at once, but it's probably one of my ways to recharge. I'm a bookworm and possibly a student at heart who wishes I could buy new school supplies every fall, just because!

Rookie Mom Wednesday!

2011-01-12T07:40:00.000-08:00

(sorry the above is so small. Maybe one day, I'll fix that).

Welcome back to the mud puddles! Here's what I've learned after 7 times of flying by myself with a toddler. I'm pretty sure it's 7, maybe 8 or 6. Things get foggy. After ALL these times, I still hate it. I still dread it, and usually can't sleep the night before. I've gotten pretty good though...in ways.

I have a bag of things I need that can't be packed in a suitcase in a mini-hiking back pack that goes overhead on the plane and a bag of things to keep a kid happy that I can grab in a second under my seat. I've learned that if Titus is in my lap, he will only go to sleep in an ergo. Extra pacis are a necessity and usually loose a couple each flight, and a dippees and wipees mini bag should go in the magazine holder for a quick diaper change grab. And I've learned that chocolate kids ensure on plane is a sure stain bet.

We bring a portable dvd player, crayons, a doctor's advice (anyone get that), toys, and snacks for the entire plane. Maybe not the entire plane, but it feels like it when gummy snacks are in every crevice of our bag.

The thing I have needed on every flight (in some manner) but have YET to pack is an extra shirt for myself. I've been pooped on, leaked on, spit up on, drooled on, sippy cup spilled on and stuck in a city overnight in a nasty shirt. Each time I think, there's no room, I can't. And each time I think, I SHOULD HAVE PACKED IT!!!

Somedays, isn't that just what happens. Our kids look adorable and one make think we have it all together until they find out our hair hasn't been washed in a couple of days! Sad part is.. I only have one kid! ehh!

Not next time, my friend, I'm stuffing a clean shirt down there and may just put it in a ziplock bag for safe keeping!

Lesson: pack an extra change for yourself too. Poop smells bad whether it's on you OR your kid.

All things Titus at 22 months

2011-01-11T12:26:00.000-08:00

Wow, so much to blog about that's happen in the past month..

Charleston, Christmas, New Years, crazy flight back that landed us in Milwaukee, WI for 24 hrs, returning to Portland, and all the life that happens during. Of course, all that has to wait because my little cowboy is 22 months old today. Wow, when did that happen?!

Titus continues to never meet a stranger, be full of energy running as fast as his feet will carry him (actually he runs on his tippie-toes for a Peter Pan type look, but hopefully he will grow out of that eventually), busy as a bee, emerging talker, and lover of life. Oh wait, did you think I think he's perfect because he has this strong will too. A strong will with a sweet spirit if you will. On our first flight back I heard the words I just knew he would never utter.

"NO, MINE." Lovely.

He has also been cracking us up with the little phrases he says. He will often tell me he wants something. If I don't respond right away, he begins saying "I said ___ (and repeats what he asked for). Usually it sound it go something like.

Titus: Mommy, want nack (for snack).

Me: Ok, Let me just finish this and let's get one.

Titus: I said nack.

Me: Patience child.

He has also been referring to us by our first names. He has heard lots of cool cousins calling us Jess and Ryan in the last month! We tried to explain he has too call us Mommy and Daddy, but his solution today was to call me Mommy Jess. Sorry, I'm just Mommy, bud!! He loves all things cowboy and bikes and refers to his most prized possession, his riding horse, as a "yo."

Probably the greatest joys this past month was celebrating Christmas with both sides of Grandparents and my side aunts, uncles and cousins. Titus also started saying "thank you" and said "love you" for the first time yesterday. Music to my ear!

Happy 22 Months Titus!!! Slow down!! :)

2010 in review!!

2010-12-31T10:03:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure it feels like 2010 went by in a blink of the eye.

Last year at this time we were preparing for many unknowns. Ryan was about to leave for 3 months for Army training and I was preparing to take on a full-time-working-mom-with-my-husband-away challenges. We went into survival mode and got through it despite countless ear infections and sickness for Titus. In survival mode, you just do it and don't have the time to

think otherwise or ask for help. Although, I never want Ryan to be gone for a deployment or school EVER again, I know that God can sustain me and I can get through it.

Once he came home we enjoyed time together on a fun-fun-fun family vacation. It was a blessing for me to be distracted and work while he was gone to pay for it!!!

Time after the vacation was more challenging. Learning to live together again, a big job disappointment amidst hards church issues in Oregon challenged us in ways we had not encountered before. At times we felt disillusioned and great disappointment. God in his mercy drew us closer to his heart during that time and we grew from it. Now, I'm thankful for the challenges.

Great times were to be had this past fall. Titus has grown and changed in so many ways. Our baby changed to a little boy and is starting to talk in sentences and runs everywhere he goes. He will always be one of my greatest joys. We are so blessed that God saw fit to give him to us!

We started this fall with fresh dreams. Ryan's internship this semester was strictly focused on our family. We took a night a week to talk and think about what the mission of our family will be going forward. We knew "in general" what we longed for, but writing it out was powerful. From that a mission statement was birthed.

We aren't the same as we are this year as we were the last. I am having breakthroughs with anxiety and stress that is evidence of God working in my life as never before. Although our life is not near perfect, we have grown. We still have things to work on, job unknowns, etc etc, but I've seen that no matter what we go through in the future, God will go with us. His presence in my life is sustaining and will give us what we need each day.

I pray 2011 is a year of great joy and blessing for each of you. It's such a comfort to know that although we change to another year, God stands outside the calendar!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T12:53:00.000-08:00

Sit back, slow down and savor the goodness of the season. The God of the Universe came as a helpless baby to redeem an utterly helpless people from the pit of hell.

Let us not rush or be overwhelmed with life... the cooking, the clean up, the worries of today or the fears of tomorrow. After all, it never was about us in the first place! For one day (and preferably more) may we savor the gift of love God gave us and give it back to one another.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Luke 2:14

Merry Christmas!

The Epp Family

21 months

2010-12-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

(this mustache came off with one wipe.. in case you're wondering :)

I can't believe my little boy is almost 21 months (Saturday). Crazy! Titus and I have had a blast this past month. I have so enjoyed being home with him 24/7 and he has become my little buddy during the days. I really like the kid he is becoming. He loves people and never meets a stranger. He loves to sing, dance and wrestle with Daddy.

Titus has made big strides in his obedience this month along with talking. He hasn't been throwing as many tantrums and yelling no. PTL! Oh my, my favorite thing in the entire world is when he comes up to me and says, "Hi Mommy" and plants one on my lips. I also love when he will answer my questions. It makes the guessing a bit easier. He is amazed by Santa and lets out a big "HoHoHo" whenever he sees anything resembling. He also loves dogs and calls him "dogdog. His newer thing is calling everything that looks similar to a horse, a "yo." Not sure where "yo" came from, but my guess is something from yeehaw? He calls donkey, camels, cows, horses etc. a "yo."

Titus has also been quite the character. He recently has been coming up with various tricks to delay nap time or bed time. His tricks include saying juice, eat eat, more, rock. All of them usually don't work except for rocking. That gets me every time and thankfully, after a few minutes and songs he will lay down peacefully. He doesn't mind if I keep rocking though! ;)

He is independent and prefers to "walk walk" in the stores with me. Sometimes this works and other times, not so much! He loves to drag his little potty into the bathroom and grab his pretend phone and pops-a-squat on it. He especially likes to do this when Ryan or I are using the bathroom. I know, all the family secrets here!

He is beyond adorable and so much fun. I think this is my favorite stage.. again!

Rookie Mom Wednesday

2010-12-08T09:20:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Rookie Mom Wednesday at Under My Umbrella. It is Wednesday right?? Let me tell you my one of my rookie mom dilemmas. I tend to be slightly overprotective and overreactive. For instance, when Titus was 1 and the doctor found his iron was a little low, I bawled on the phone with the nurse. Bawled. Poor nurse. I'm sure she wasn't prepared to handle all my hormones that day. I really am not a big crier, but this one got me. Maybe it's because I was always really careful with what he ate, and didn't understand why and therefore thought something was reallllly wrong.

Not sure if I will ever outgrow this whole parinoid mom thing, but either way, I'll always try to take as good of care of this little guy as I can! One of the things that means is trying to find healthy food for him to eat.

There just one dilemma. We aren't living the "Whole Foods" lifestyle. Granted, Trader Joe's helps a ton, but the reality of affording ALL organic meats and veggies just can't happen right now. Anywho, I really like this substance of such for it's healthiness and cheapiness.

I now introduce you to Quinoa. It' s a type of grain that's high in fiber and pro

tein. Also it can be found organic and is affordable!

Here is my fav recipe to use Quinoa with from All Recipes. It's called Turkey and Quinoa Meatloaf. (I cut the salt and brown sugar in half and use ketchup instead of tomato paste).

Ingredients

1/4 cup quinoa
1/2 cup water
1 teaspoon olive oil
1 small onion, chopped
1 large clove garlic, chopped
1 (20 ounce) package ground turkey
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 tablespoon hot pepper sauce
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 egg
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon water

Directions

Bring the quinoa and water to a boil in a saucepan over high heat. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the quinoa is tender, and the water has been absorbed, about 15 to 20 minutes. Set aside to cool.
Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Stir in the onion; cook and stir until the onion has softened and turned translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for another minute; remove from heat to cool.
Stir the turkey, cooked quinoa, onions, tomato paste, hot sauce, 2 tablespoons Worcestershire, egg, salt, and pepper in a large bowl until well combined. The mixture will be very moist. Shape into a loaf on a foil lined baking sheet. Combine the brown sugar, 2 teaspoons Worcestershire, and 1 teaspoon water in a small bowl. Rub the paste over the top of the meatloaf.
Bake in the preheated oven until no longer pink in the center, about 50 minutes. An instant-read thermometer inserted into the center should read at least 160 degrees F (70 degrees C). Let the meatloaf cool for 10 minutes before slicing and serving.

Nutritional Information

Amount Per Serving Calories: 286 | Total Fat: 13.3g | Cholesterol: 126mg

Enjoy!

Miscellany Monday

2010-12-06T08:59:00.000-08:00

(1) Titus has been pretending to be a baby lately. He gets on the ground and crawls around with this sneaky look on his face. Then he crawls to Ryan or I and wants to hold him like a baby. It's hilarious.. to me at least. But, I'm his mom and don't we moms think everything our kid does is amazing? I do at least! His best bud, Simon, just started crawling, and Titus just started doing this so I'm wondering if there is a correlation. Titus LOVES Simon.. his parents, his dog, his crawling.

(2) I've entered the 21st century with an Iphone. On Friday, I decided to put our IPods on Craigs List just to see how long they would take to sell. My phone was blowing up with texts, calls etc for these 2 ipods. We sold that night and were ready to make the IPhone commitment. Love is all I can say. I've gone app wild and wow, how did I ever make it without my app with the cheapest gas in town, or my oh so fab vintage picture editing automatically, or a nutritional guide on my phone for every chain restaurant you can imagine?! My personal fav is helping Ryan and I sync our lives. I take our phones and we press them together and can trade any info deemed worthy. It's called Bump! Here's to not over scheduling and trading calendars. And yes, we may even facetime in our own living rooms with each other.

(3) We have hopeful-end-of-semester-blues. After a drill weekend right at the end of Ryan's

semester, we're ready for a sweet date in Charleston! :)

(4) This winter feels a bit easier for me. Maybe it's because I was on a mega dose of vitamin d at the end of the summer, maybe it's because we think this may be our last winter out west. It could also be because we have a trip coming soon. Who knows but I'm grateful! Granted, I still miss the sun (more for Titus not getting outside), but it doesn't feel like a weight on my chest sucking the life out of me!

(5) Titus is fascinated by Santa. Anytime he sees one, he lets out a "HoHoHo." Fascinated, but he doesn't want to get too close. We took him to the mall and he sat on his lap, but had a look like "I want to cry really hard" after 5 seconds. Pictured below is the president of Western in his Santa best!

Flash Mob..

2010-12-02T13:56:00.000-08:00

Have you seen the Flash Mob dances? I could only wish to be in one smacked dab in the middle of Time Square, but since that won't be happening anytime soon, I'll just watch them on youtube. I recently saw this gig and thought it was fun. I think my favorite part is seeing the cute elderly people in it. Something about a little grandpa singing is heart out is endearing to me!

Ya know what I really want to hear about? I want to hear about the person in the food court who

1. Thought the return of Christ was happening and these random people were angels in disguise.

2. Thought they were suppose to join in and stood up and started singing. I would probably be the genius to think both!

Rookie Mom Wednesday

2010-12-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Rookie Mom Wednesday! Perhaps each Wednesday, every other, or possibly just because it seems appropriate on a Friday, you'll here some random mama thoughts. In this case, it's basically Thursday! Want to hear my catchy slogan that all blog buttons MUST have. "Lessons, tips, and more from the mud puddles." If that doesn't sound like a pair of mom jeans, I don't know what does, but alas, here I am!

First off, here's the secret (that's not really a secret) about me. I

Ready??

I like things organized. Honestly, I just function better. Everything has it's place and some things even have a label. Well, not everything is organized... there are certain places in our house that are "free spaces." Some drawers, the computer room and parts of the basement have been deemed ok to be messy.

Today, as I was trying to do some fun Holiday baking, I decided to be a little rebellious and give Titus a Buckeye and let him run around with it.

A buckeye is a ridiculously fattening peanut-butter-thing-dipped-in-chocolate. Heaven. The giving to a 20 month old who's running around the house was a Bad idea. See.. here.

Then I remembered why I initially thought that was a bad idea and put him here. In this picture, he is actually begging me for "more." He only got one.

We continued through nap and into the afternoon. Yay, another project before Daddy comes home. I guess I just thought we had to do all our Holiday baking since it's the first day of December. Maybe I was the one that needed the nap!

So we started making sugar cookies and decorating them. I set up little stations and quickly realized that 20 month olds don't do stations. Oh yea.

Then the light went off. I stopped to myself and thought,

"YOU are going to miss this moment of having fun with your child.. like having A LOT of fun if you obsess over the mess. So what if sprinkles go everywhere, there's a broom for that. So what if you ruin ONE nights dinner by letting your child have a cookie and lick some icing, it's not the end of the world. Embrace the moments.. NOW."

In that moment, I let it go and felt myself becoming a little more laid back! Our sugar cookies looked ridiculous, but they were yummy and the finger prints over them were quite cute. I will probably find sprinkles for months to come, but I taught my child the joy of licking his fingers. We made a mess and even Titus was looking around and saying "mess," but we had fun and laughed a lot!

The best part was that Daddy came home and saw us having fun and offered to help clean up! Score!

(The picture above does not show the mess, but if you look in the right corner, you may get an idea of little red dots... those would be sprinkles that covered our floors).

Grateful for God's Protection

2010-11-29T19:42:00.000-08:00

Played by the FBI. Have you heard about it? If not, you can read about it here. I could hardly believe it when Ryan and I heard the news discussing a dummy bomb set to go off at the Annual Christmas Tree lighting just a short distance from where we live...all in the name of jihad. I even thought this year how we should go, but decided bedtime for T and a large crowd outside wouldn't be the best idea.

It is a reminder that threats are all around us....still. It was a reminder of God's protection in ways we can't see and situations that are out of our control. It quickly puts things in perspective when something completely off my radar could change so many individuals lives so quickly. The fact that this individual was reminded multiple times that it was not to late to get out as many families and children would be there makes me want to vomit. The fact that he didn't want anyone to leave unharmed.. either dead or injured is beyond sick.

Oh Lord, may we look to you as the one true God grateful for your protection. The God who doesn't pervert the sanctity of life all in the name of religion, rights or gaining favor. You are true and your ways are good!

Once again, I'm thankful.

thankful.

2010-11-28T20:20:00.000-08:00

I think one of my favorite sounds is hearing my child belly laugh. It means they are healthy, having fun, not in trouble (most of the time), safe, and content. In those moments it seems all is right in the world. On a day where T was not feeling great and therefore a bit more work, I came across the picture. You're so worth the tantrums, mild heart attacks you've given me for trying to climb up or out of your high chair, and for all the tricks you try to play when it's nap time or bed time (more eat, eaaaat, rock, more rock). I'm thankful.

a few of my fav things..

2010-11-20T13:11:00.001-08:00

Who doesn't love Oprah's fav things show?! I sure do, and of course could only dream of going, but for now.. these are a few of my fav things.... recession/budget/seminary edition.

1. H&M skinny jeans. This is a brand spankin' new one for me, butI love the cut and fit. Want to hear the best part on the skinnies?! $19.95. I usually go for Vigoss skinny jeans, but these have taken the cake this year!

2. Nordstrom Rack. I actually love Nordstrom, but because I can only afford sharing their grilled cheese kids meal and tomato soup (which is delish) with my 20 month old, I opt for the Rack. PS.. The rack in on groupon in Seattle and will be in Portland Monday (you can use the coupon anywhere though and buy in either city).

3. Chipotle. YUM YUM YUM. I never thought Moe's would have competition, but alas this blows Moe's out of the water. The best part to the goodness is splitting a chicken burrito with my husband, chips, and rice/beans with cheese for T and we walk out spending under $10!!! Their medium salsa is spicy and heavenly. Yes, Please!!

4. Ikea napkins. I love them and get a fun color/print for each season. It's the little things right?

5. Burlap. I love to decorate with it. No joke. It's so cheap and is 100% my style in decorating. This year our kitchen table has burlap trees and 2 tones of burlap for a runner thanks to the ShantyChic idea (although mine is probably a bit different bc I don't have a ruffler foot).

6. Distressed furniture. I love the look, price and more than anything.. DIY projects. They give me a rush. One of our 2011 projects is building Titus' first bed. We bought an old door from a yard sale and will be stripping, painting and creating a headboard, footboard and frame for it. I'm thinking a vintage bicycle theme will work or a rugged cowboy look will be our inspiration. What do you think would fit for our wild man?!

7. Obviously, you know TJ's is a fav along with the prices of dreaded Winco, but for a non-seminary budget date.... I LOVE THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY. Everything from their apps to dessert (cheesecake) is delish.

8. Bath and Body hand soap. Is it bad that I really love to have a different one for every season. It keeps me inspired to keep my hands and house clean! :)

9. Forever 21 earrings. Watch out Charleston gals, you will love these earring deals when the new F21 hits! :)

10. These boys. One keeps me sane and the other on my toes, but both bring me so much joy.

Happy Favs! :)

OCC

2010-11-15T12:53:00.000-08:00

I was slightly bummed this year. I didn't know where to take a box for Operation Christmas Child. This would be the first year I haven't done this since I was little. I knew it was time for the drop-off to happen so I decided to search for drop-off centers. (duh? The thought came slow for me). A church 10 min away is collecting. We actually visited there a couple months ago. I'm not quite sure how I miss the OCC stuff there.

I began to think about what it Titus didn't have anything for Christmas. What if he didn't have toys, lots of food or even a Mom or Dad? 2 things happened in my heart...

1. I knew we would pack as many shoe boxes as we could and I would never let inconveniences dictate our giving again.

2. For the first time ever as a mother, there was a longing for a child far, far away.

The first can be easily solved, the second will take lots of time and prayer and money. The last is something a seminary family is lacking and with ministry on the horizon, it doesn't look promising. I could only count such a privilege to one day adopt and know if this is what God calls us to, he has already carved the way.

BUT... for this Christmas.. we can give it away.

*** Ryan just saw this and said veggietales??? Even though we are parents and love Veggietales, Bob won't be singing! :)

hereh

Christmas cards

2010-11-12T13:59:00.000-08:00

In our house, Christmas is in full swing. We are celebrating with Ryan's family a bit early this year, so I've jumped on the ball with the gift buying, and Holiday fun. I'd say putting up decor is early, but we all know it happens every year! After almost 3 years of marriage, Ryan loves it just as much as I do.

Last week we took our family pics... with a tripod! :) It was the easiest and most budget friendly thing to do this year. We went with the one that Titus was actually looking in the right direction. I guess a smile was too hard to bargain with when my Ryan had to be sitting in class 15 minutes later! I was trying to hit it before the rain and I think we made it by the skin of our teeth! :)

So... the next thing is naturally cards! I've recently used Shutterfly quite a bit. With various groupons and promotional codes, you can't beat the savings. My love for all things pictures has had fun. My only struggle now is picking the right card.

Classic?? I love being able to add a variety of pics with our initial in the middle!

Christian?? I love being able to shine focus on Christ during the season, while enjoying a eye pleasing card!

Cute??? Multiple pics, a little funk and my fav colors.. this might be it!

Hopefully I'll decide and mail those babies out before 2011!!

Thanks to Shutterfly for letting me blog on Christmas cards this year and put my moola on something else! :)

20 months

2010-11-11T13:51:00.000-08:00

His.. Mom, are you seriously still taking pictures of me... face.

happy boy!

"weeehaw" (as he says)

What a fun, fun, fun age this is with a gracious plenty of redirecting! Since I forgot to post a 19 month deal.. I'll catch up with 20. I promise, I won't do this for like month 52!

Wow, he is changing every day and I am loving my extra time with my wild man. He keeps me laughing and on my toes. He is my little shadow, but I don't mind. I wouldn't have it any other way!

The things he comes up with in his little lisp voice cracks me up. His new thing is saying his name. He will sometimes (when of course he's in the right mood) say his whole name. Of course it sounds more like.. "Ti-ssss rin Ep." My favorite thing he is into at the moment is singing and puckering up those lips. He goes straight in for our lips too! He loves to sing and we nearly killed ourselves laughing when he dead-on hit this higher note at the end of one of his shows on tv. He was so proud and we applauded his singing. I'm hoping he turns out to have his Daddy's voice!

He also likes to pull out all his toys and look at them. He esp is enjoying his Little People sets and tools. Whenever he sees a donkey or horse, he says "eeeey oooo." Not sure about that one! He is quite obsessed with animals and his stuffed animals. I am enjoying his interest in playing with his toys though and giving me a break here and there.

Homeboy still has his opinions and is a work in progress on the sharing thing. It's a very humbling process for the Mom. If only I could snap my fingers and make him a gracious, kind, and compassionate little gentleman. Mrs. Duggar (thanks, 19 kids and counting) gave me some inspiration on what to focus on with my boy.. attentiveness (I want his eyes), obedience and self control! We are all such a work-in-progress and I see that in myself and child! I'm hoping some things are just a phase, although I don't want the hugs and kisses to end! ;)

What a joy Titus is to me and his Daddy. I am loving this season and focusing on doing lots of family fun Holiday things! So far, we've started our chocolate advent calendar (early, I know) and singing "Away in the manager" while he holds his Little People baby Jesus. He can't quite say Jesus, so he has shortened it to "Jez." I nearly cried with joy when I heard him say that. I'm sure Jesus doesn't mind the shortened toddler version of his name too...

Happy 20 months sweet boy and Happy Veterans Day to his Daddy!

Happy Halloween

2010-11-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

We have been celebrating fall with pumpkin break, pumpkin butter, apple cider, a pumpkin patch and pumpkin carving. It's been fun. Maybe I've felt the need to completely celebrate fall in October because we are planning to start Christmas in a couple of weeks. I do love Thanksgiving, but with traveling we want to enjoy Christmas as much as possible. I know Titus will be so so excited this year to see his tree in his room etc etc.

Back to Halloween. Titus had a couple of costumes. The sock monkey was my fav, but Ryan didn't love it so we picked up a shark costume at Old Navy when they went on sale. Gotta love a first born child. I know, I know.

I was starting to think this shark costume gave my child some alter ego because he was a piece of work the 2 times he wore it. Thankfully, once his buds arrived at our Halloween party, he turned off the shark attack. It was a good thing he did. Ryan and I decided to join in the fun and dress up as a beach bum (I) and a surfer (Ry). Good times. I think my favorite part was hearing my little guy attempt to say Trick-or-Treat. It sounded more like "tri-tre."

Slowing down

2010-10-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

The summer in Portland seems to fly by. Its gorgeous and there is a million things to do to enjoy the beauty of summer. Fall seems to slow down. This fall has seem to fly by, but it's slowing down at just the right time. Ryan will hopefully start orders here in December (Oh Lord, you know) and we will stay put until his long term job opens. I think thats the plan at least. For me, I'm slowing down for the holidays and will be once again, a full time stay-at-home mom.

In the past month, I've been reminded that although my job was awesome for the season, it's time for me to be at home with my boy. I feel such peace in this, although the future seems less calculated. I have felt God asking me, "Do you realllllly trust me, Jessica." Time and time again, we have seen God move when things have felt uncertain. He always proves himself faithful, true, good, and our hope. Although things don't always go my way, I've seen the beauty of walking and abiding in him.

So as we slow down this fall, there are so many things I'm looking forward to.. (doesn't sound slow).... carving pumpkins, Thanksgiving, Black Friday Christmas shopping, decorating our house for Christmas, time with family reading the Christmas story, cookie baking, visiting family, the Christmas Eve service... and of course seeing Christmas through my little boys eyes.

Miscellany Monday!

2010-10-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

1. The rain is back. Basically this means that there will be 95% rain with a few beautiful days mixed in through the end of June. The thought feels overwhelming, but alas I will embrace it with my boots, hat, and story time at the library while we are still here. My (once again) doctor prescribed mega therapeutic vitamin d so that probably won't hurt anything!

2. Titus loves to scream "no" He used to say it sweetly, but not as much anymore. We have been telling him not to say it like that so you know what... he started saying "nop." Oh my.. how does a 19 month old put that together.

3. My theory is that every parent needs a strong willed child. If they don't, I think there's a chance they will start to think other ppl are bad parents, don't discipline.. or (gasp)... they might get the parental cockiness thing going. So if you are like me.. and your child has a strong will.. thank God because that will -will- keep you humbled and real. This is me speaking from the mother-of-all-strong- willed disasters at a Halloween party. My little shark was out to bite his parents! (Yes, we switched Titus' costume to be a shark). Ryan is going to be a surfer and I a beach bum!

4. Praise Jesus, that wild shark is like him mama and loves to sleep in. Granted, he normally doesn't sleep in until 9:00 everyday, but today he is still fast asleep! He makes up for it when he is awake though!!!

3rd Annual Roloff Farm Trip

2010-10-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

3 years ago I was 20 weeks pregnant looking forward to my little pumpkin on the way...The next year, my little pumpkin was as cute as he could be and I loved getting to take him to The Roloff Farm for our first year as a little family!

This year, we had another great time with our growing pumpkin. He is such a gift to have and has blessed our family so so much!

We headed to our Annual Family Roloff Farm pumpkin patch. I love going. Each year we grab a fallish drink (pumpkin shake or pumpkin spice latte), bugerville and head out to the Roloff Farm. This is where the Little People Big World family live. This weekend Ryan was supposed to be in class ALL day. Not fun. However, 3 days before he got an e-mail saying the class was cancelled. Not really what we were hoping for since all his books were bought etc etc. Thankfully, he will be doing an independent study now and it freed up a weekend together! So all that information to say.. we now had a day we could head to the pumpkin patch. Unfortunately, it was raining. Bummer. We went anyways and the skies opened up when we arrived. Thank you Lord! It also kept the crazy crowds away and we were able to talk more to the family members. They were really nice.. esp the grandparents and son, Jeremy. Good times!

freeze

2010-10-18T14:16:00.000-07:00

I've been backing up my computer to an online storage for the just-in-cases in life. It will probably take the next 15 years to get it all on there, but my computer has been out and open a lot. The other morning I found Titus checking his blogs. I'm sure he's seen me do this a time or two. My exact words were, "Freeze." Instead of worrying that he would push my lovely computer off in excitement and grabbing it off, I ran and took a picture. Smart Mom. Thankfully, the computer and I lived through it. I'm going to have to keep an eye out for this one..

waiting. again.

2010-10-05T10:48:00.001-07:00

**I just noticed my opening paragraph got lost with the picture uploading...whops.. here is is again! :)

The long story is long to this whole "waiting" thing. The short story is.. excited, waiting, disappointment, bummed, still waiting + major praying. Still in season "i am so over," yet God has reasons beyond my understanding. Amidst the waiting, God's faithfulness has been so evident to give us some great times in Charleston and Ryan at a training, a zoo trip and just moments when a sweet hug and kiss from a wild man couldn't mean more. He has also been healthy, which is SUCH an answer to prayer and his iron has held strong! YAY!

We are waiting for Ryan's job. Little development except the start date got pushed back. The Army can do things like that. It's the Army. Thankfully, he still has a job here. My job will be changing too due to having to pay for T to go now. It doesn't feel like great timing, but since there has been SO many closed doors, we know it's God. He's at work.

A common thing in our hearts has been prayer. Like over and over. We are "praying until we pray" and trying to take in the lessons we have in the waiting time. To be honest, it feels like we've been waiting for 2 years, as Ryan has been ready for a while to make career changes. I know God is not surprised by this so we have to trust that his ways are higher than our own.

In reality, I am so thankful we are NOT waiting on some really life threatening things. Sometimes I just have to sit back and count my blessings and we are doing that in prayer.

So.. Maybe I should just re-arrange that list despite my frustration with "today" to be once again..waiting.. and excited.

Excited to see that God is working things for our good, that he's so close, that we can have a great fall, joyous Christmas and new start to the year despite our wishes to be doing something else. Savior, YOU can move my mountains.